To Ponyville and Back Again: A Brony Tale (Redux)
by Prince of None
Summary: A brony finds a portal to Equestria and discovers that he is unique; he is without a pony counterpart. Because of this, he is given a quest spanning both of our worlds. BiE (kinda). This events of this fanfic occur between Equestria Girls and season 4. Rated M for strong language, violence, and graphic sexuality. R&R and all that good stuff.
1. Arrival

**A/N:** Hiya, I'm the Prince of None. Just a notice, this is my first MLP fic, and my first fic in general. If you can be bothered, all reviews are extremely appreciated.

Also, this story has an 'M' rating for a reason. This work contains strong language, graphic violence, and explicit descriptions of sexual acts. If any of this makes you uncomfortable, please do not read this story.

_Legal disclaimer: All trademarks are the exclusive property of Hasbro, DHX, and their affiliates. I do not own- in whole or in part- any of the trademarked properties mentioned in this work. Please support the rightful copyright holders._

**P.S.** I've since edited the first few chapters of this fanfiction for quality and grammar. If you'd like to read the original version (for what reason, I have no idea), it's posted somewhere. I'd check my profile if I were you. (Shameless advertising.)

Now, let's jump right into it.

**Chapter 1: Arrival**

First things first, introductions: Hey there, I'm Zack. I'm fourteen years old, I'm about five feet six inches, I have blueish-greenish eyes, curly brown hair, and I watch a show called My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. I've been a brony for a year or two and I love it; the show, the fandom, everything about it. Now, that's all you need to know about me for the time being, so let's get into the story.

I was walking through my hometown of Philadelphia on my way back home from seeing Equestria Girls when I passed a local high school and noticed the statue in the courtyard.

_That looks a lot like the statue at Canterlot High..._

Me being a stupid teenager, and having been exposed to a veritable singularity of stupid in the form of the movie I'd just seen, I jumped the fence and I walked over to the statue, figuring I'd just check it out and chill. I _had _been walking for a while.

The statue was of Benjamin Franklin; he had a quill in one hand and a sheet of parchment in the other. Old Benny was perched atop a podium with smooth, super-polished sides. I checked my hair in my reflection.

_Still sexy as ever._

I made to sit down with my back against the podium. My butt had just made contact with the ground when the stone behind me started to glow a weird blue-greenish color. I rubbernecked to look at it and saw that the entire surface my back was against was glowing. I started to get up when I found that I had begun to sink into the stone, except it didn't really feel like stone. It felt like I was taking a cold shower after going for a run.

_What in the flying fuck is going on!?_

I tried frantically to part my body from the podium, but all I accomplished was sinking further in. My eyes darted to and fro frantically, looking for something to leverage myself against, but I couldn't find anything. I struggled like a man in a straightjacket, but to no avail. The podium was like quicksand, pulling me farther in the more I struggled. Unfortunately for me at that point, I hadn't made that connection; I continued to flail wildly until almost my entire body had been sucked in. By then, only my head, forearms, and calves were poking out of the glowing stone.

_This isn't how I want to die! I have so much to live for! Like pizza, and sex, and cats! Please God, let me live!_

That was my last thought before I was completely enveloped by the darkness.

Except then it wasn't dark. It was bright. Too bright. And I was falling, falling into the light.

My ears were filled with an extremely high-pitched hum. My ears were ringing with it, and I almost had to shove my fingers into my ears to endure it. Then, I felt my body being pulled, stretched apart. Every part of me was pulling away from every other part, it felt like I was being torn apart at an atomic level, but I was still in one piece. All of it was too much for me; the stretching, the falling, the noise. So I did what humans do best in that type of situation: I went unconscious.

I regained consciousness to find myself laying upon a cold surface.

_That...sucked..._

I did my best to open my eyes, but my brain didn't seem up to the task just yet, so the best I could do was flutter my eyelids feebly. After a moment of resting on the floor- at least I assumed it was a floor- I was able to raise my head and open my eyes. I found out that I was in a somewhat dark room with a bluish paintjob and some paintings on the walls.

_Not what I thought the afterlife would be like, but this is better than nothing._

I figured that if I was able to look around, I was able to stand up. I unsteadily attempted to get onto my hands and knees. The thing was, it didn't feel like I _had_ hands and knees. I looked down at myself and discovered I didn't look very...human. Where I expected arms, hands, legs, and feet; I saw hooves.

_There's no way..._

I scooted around the best I could and saw a large, very ornate mirror. That wasn't even the weirdest part, though. The weirdest part was my reflection. I had a strange, oblong head, giant ears, and fucking massive eyes.

_You've gotta be shitting me._

_I'm a goddamn pony._

That was the best explanation I could come up with. Then, shit got even _weirder_. I took another look at my reflection and made another discovery: I looked exactly like the stupid OC I made on that General Zoi pony creator thing. I had the same light green coat, the same brown mane, the same horn. Even my cutie mark, or lack thereof. Back when I was making this OC, I wanted my cutie mark to be a candle, because I thought it would be cool to be Ponyville's resident candle-maker; it seemed like a profitable job. But the thing was, I couldn't get the image to upload right, so I just gave up. As I looked into the mirror, it seemed like that detail had been maintained as well.

_Alright, there's no way this is real. I'm dreaming._

I'd learned how to tell if I was dreaming before. The trick is to look at words, or numbers, or a screen of some sort. In dreams, they're constantly changing. So I looked around for something to read. My eyes darted this way and that, but there was nothing there. Nothing to read. Another trick, I remembered, was to count your fingers. In a dream that's all but impossible. The problem with that trick; I had no fingers, I had hooves.

_Goddammit. Alright Zack, let's think logically for a moment: My last memory is getting sucked into a statue in a high school courtyard, but that's not realistic. Before that I was walking home from seeing a movie, but couldn't have fallen asleep then. Before _that_ I was watching Equestria Girls in the theater. There! I fell asleep in the theater. Not surprising given the quality of that film._

Pleased that I had solved the mystery of how I had become a green horse, I figured I may as well ride this dream out. I got up without much difficulty- now that I had surrendered to the logic of the dream- and I walked around the room, taking it all in. Once I'd had my fill of blue wallpaper and gloomy landscape paintings, I approached the door and turned it with my hoof. I wasn't sure how that worked, but hey, it was a dream. I walked out of the mirror room and into a dark hallway lined with huge windows on one side and a plethora of doors on the other. A few boring paintings and vases on small tables were interspersed between the doors and windows. I went over to the window opposite the mirror room, which displayed the beautiful, inky black night sky that was peppered with amazing arrays of bright stars. The window also seemed to overlook a large city. I was too far away to see a lot of detail, but it looked incredibly gorgeous, like an old medieval hold-sans poverty, disease, and war.

_Hm. Let's see what there is to see down there._

Now that I had some sort of goal, I began my walk through corridor after corridor of tapestry-covered boringness.

_This dream sucks ass. Maybe I should just fuck with reality._ _Yeah. I haven't had a lucid dream in ages, might as well enjoy myself. _

I willed twenty Playboy bunnies to appear. After a few moments of intense concentration, I looked around: Nothing. No bunnies. "Dammit." I said out loud.

_I guess it's not that kind of dream._

I kept walking. I must've passed at least a hundred doors by now, and I hadn't felt motivated to open even _one _of them. I rescinded on that decision and walked over to the closest door and opened it. Poking my head in, I scanned the room for anything of interest. The light from the windows provided just enough illumination for me to see. It looked to be a small breakroom- like in office buildings. Just a table and chairs surrounded by some counters and cabinets. There was no one inside. I figured I'd chill here and try to summon something else. I went in and sat down in one of the chairs, tucking my rear hooves under me and resting my forehooves on the table. I looked around the room further, and I noticed a set of hangers with what looked like armor on them. I'd seen horse armor on a History Channel special a couple months ago, and it looked awfully similar to the metal garments on the wall in front of me.

_Heh, those are pretty cool. I wonder if I can put them on._

I willed a certain set of armor to float over to me and settle onto my body. To my excitement, it actually worked this time. The armor was enveloped in a lime green light and did exactly as I'd hoped. Even the leather straps fastened themselves around me comfortably. The light dissipated and I suddenly felt somewhat tired.

_Alright, that's the most fun I'm gonna get out of this room._

I stood up and made to leave the room, but a glint of light caught my eye. I walked over to examine it closer and found that the glint was a gold tag on the wall above the armor rack. There was one above each hook. The one above the hook from which I took the armor read "Phalanx". The one next to it said "Last Stand".

_I can read that...that's a little weird, seeing as this is a dream and all._

I glanced away for a second and looked back at the nametags. I had expected them to be different- seeing as I was dreaming and all- but they didn't. I stared blankly at the names in front of me.

_But that means...this isn't a dream._

I whipped around and galloped over to the window in the hall. Looking down at the city below, I attempted to come to grips with my situation.

_I'm in the Royal Castle in Canterlot. This is _so _fucking cool! Okay, what should I do first? I can go to Ponyville, duh! Oh man, this is rad as hell. So, how am I gonna get there? Maybe I can blink there, like Twilight? Nah, _she's _not even powerful enough to do that. _

I took a deep breath.

_Okay... Ponyville first, questions later._

I was just about to set off on my epic quest to Ponyville when I saw a guard turn the corner to my right.

_be me_

_wearing guard's armor_

_not a guard_

_ohshitdotjpg_

I darted back into the break room, but not before the other guard spotted me. I heard a shout echo through the hall, "Hey! This is my sector! Where are you assigned to patrol?" I stopped and slowly walked back out of the break room.

_C'mon, I need a good lie..._

I felt sweat forming under my mane, but I managed to say, "Um…I-uh…I'm new. I was just looking around to see if I could find anyon-er, anypony that could help me out...sir."

_Yeah, that's plausible, right?_

"Do you know where I should be, sir?" I asked. "As a matter of fact, I do. I didn't think the newbies were coming in until tomorrow, though…" The guard said. "Um, well, kinda? I'm here with half of the shipment...and the other half will be here tomorrow, sir." I said.

_There's no way he'll buy that._

"Oh, ok."

_He bought it._

"So newbie, have you been assigned a guard ID?" He asked me, walking towards me as he spoke. "Uh, no. Not yet, sir." I replied. "Really?" the guard asked incredulously. I nodded. He scratched his head and said, "Alright, we'll get this sorted when Captain Armor gets up, dealing with newbies is above my paygrade. Newbie barracks are E20 in the guard wing. Get some shut-eye."

_I cannot believe that worked._

"Thank you, sir." I said. "No problem, kid." He said, and went on his way. The rest of the trek through the immense castle was uneventful, save a few close calls with other guards and the supremely uninspired interior decoration. However, I had encountered another potential problem:

_How do I get out of here? It's not like I can just walk out the front door...or can I?_

I continued my walk trying to formulate a lie that could get me out of the front door without raising too much suspicion. During this time I could see from the countless windows that the moon had been steadily progressing across the sky, and had almost reached the end of its journey. After walking for what I had guessed was about 2 hours, and getting lost many, _many_ times, I had finally reached the front door of the castle. The massive front door. I set my face in an expression of determinedness and urgency and sped my pace to a trot. One of the guards posted in front of the door saw me and shouted. "Halt! What is your business roaming around at such odd hours?"

_Alright, just as I practiced._

"I'm on urgent business from the Princesses, sir." I said. I had set my voice a bit lower than usual. The guard on the other side of the door stared daggers at me. "From the Princesses? Explain." The guard said. "I'm sorry sir, but it's confidential." I said. "Confidential? Alright, why was I not informed that I was to allow passage to someone on official business?" He asked. "Perhaps the message was lost, sir?" I suggested, "Either way, I doubt our CO's would be pleased if they found that I was held up by an uncooperative doorman. Sir." I said, smiling internally. "You may pass." The guard said through gritted teeth.

_I think his jimmies are rustled._

The guards opened the gargantuan door and I walked out into the breaking dawn. The air was crisp; I took a deep breath. It felt like new life was flowing into me after all that time in the stuffy castle. I looked around at the beautiful landscape as I walked. The castle grounds were immaculately kempt, topiaries of ponies and plants and geometric shapes filled the garden, interspersed with beautiful flowerbeds that displayed the most gorgeous flowers I'd seen in my life-the most vibrant reds and yellows and blues and every color inbetween. I could've spent my entire life marveling at the beauty of the garden, but I couldn't.

I trotted onward through the castle grounds and out into Canterlot proper. While still bearing a hint of the dinginess that large cities often do, it was still a sight to behold. It was like someone had taken the metropolitan wonder of New York City, cleaned it up, and dropped it into Equestria. It was early, maybe six o'clock, but there was still a multitude of unicorns out and about; most of them looking like businessponies but some that seemed to simply be strolling about, enjoying the wondrous morning air.

_You know, I could get used to this. Maybe I'll come back sometime. But for now, Ponyville is my destination._

Walking onward, I resigned myself to enjoying the scenery of the city. As I walked, I looked around at the beautiful architecture. There were several very large buildings that were similar to skyscrapers back home, but instead of glass and steel, they appeared to be made of polished granite and quartz. The material did a spectacular job at reflecting Celestia's sunlight in such a way that gave the whole city a bright sheen, which I realized may have been the idea. After another few minutes of walking, I became aware of the townsponies looking at me strangely and whispering to eachother as I passed.

_What the hell is their deal? I'm just enjoying the morning. Oh wait, I'm wearing guard armor. I guess it isn't often that they see Royal Guards prancing through the streets all wide-eyed._

As stealthily as I could, I traveled down a side road and into a somewhat secluded alleyway. I willed the armor to remove itself from me and float into a dumpster; without much effort, it did.

_Seems like I'm decent at magic. That's useful. Doesn't tell me what my special talent is, but useful._

I made my way back out onto the main road and continued onward. At that point, I was looking for some sort of sign that would direct me towards the train station. Luckily for me, there was a billboard about thirty yards in front of me. "_Canterlot Train Station Ahead!_"

_Huh, that's convenient._

So I continued on my current route until I reached a large train station on the outskirts of Canterlot. There weren't a lot of ponies there, but still enough for there to be a line to board the train. After waiting in line and getting seated, I was able to relax and enjoy the countryside flying past as I thought about what I would do when I reached Ponyville.

_Maybe I should just tell Twilight what happened to me...nah, this is too cool to give up just yet. I'll enjoy it for a while._

The mind-boggling thought of meeting the _actual_ Mane Six occupied my mind for the remainder of the train ride, so that by the time the train arrived in Ponyville Station, it seemed like almost no time had passed. The only thing to disagree with that was the ascending sun, which- going by its position- indicated that it was about eight o'clock. I disembarked the train and savored my first view of Ponyville. It looked pretty similar to how it looked in the cartoon, actually, it was pretty much identical. The one discrepancy was that it wasn't as bright and "technicolor" as I'd seen on TV. Perhaps my pony eyes were adapted for super-bright colors. I didn't really care because during the train ride, I became aware of a gnawing hunger in the depths of my stomach.

_Hm. I'm hungry, and I'm in Ponyville. I _wonder_ where I should go to eat._

And with that thought, I walked off towards Sugarcube Corner, and Pinkie Pie.


	2. One of the Girls

**Chapter 2: One of the Girls**

A short and easily navigable walk from the station to Sugarcube Corner later, I approached the door of Pinkie's shop with caution, bracing myself for the explosion of excitement that was bound to occur when Pinkie saw a new stallion in her shop. I took a few seconds to mentally prepare myself for the pink whirlwind that would be unleashed when I opened the door, and then I stepped into the sweet shop.

The first thing I noticed was the smell of the most delicious baked goodies imaginable, it was like God himself descended from heaven and said, "Let the best fucking smell known to man- or ponykind lay upon this place." Sweet Celestia is was amazing. As I was trying to inhale every single molecule of that scent, a bright pink pony whizzed out of the kitchen, jumped over the counter, and galloped over to me. "Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh! I-don't-know-you-what's-your-name-my-name's-Pinkie-Pie-oh-my-goodness-I-gotta-go!" She said before zooming up the stairs to my right.

After collecting myself I quietly said, "Well, I guess I saw that coming." "What was that dear?" I heard another voice say, and Mrs. Cake walked out of the kitchen. She had a puzzled look on her face. "Pinkie? Pinkie? Where is that- oh, hello dear. You must be new around here." She said. "Uh, yeah." I replied. "Did you happen to see a pink earth pony?" She asked. "I did." I responded. "Oh, well that was Pinkie Pie, she helps out around here, but she can be a bit," "Energetic?" I supplied. "Exactly." Mrs. Cake confirmed. "Anyway, dear, I'm Mrs. Cup Cake. My husband, Mr. Carrot Cake is in the back. We run this little place with some help from Pinkie." She explained.

_Redundant explanation count is at 1._

"That's cool. Nice to meet you, Mrs. Cake." I said, holding my hoof out. She took it and I felt some sort of grasp on my hoof, I tried to mimic her motion and felt my hoof take hers.

_I have _no_ idea how that works._

I let go and she did the same. "So what's your name?" Mrs. Cake asked.

_Oh shit. I need a name. Uh..._

"I'm, uh, Brony. Brony Blast." I said.

_Sweet baby Jesus, that is a stupid fucking name._

"Well it's very nice to meet you, Brony. So, what can I do ya for, hun?" Mrs. Cake asked.

_Well, I don't have any bits. Hold up a sec, maybe I can work here and earn some money. That would be so sick! Baked goodies for daaaays!_

"Well…I'm new in town and was wondering if you were looking to hire. I'm kind of broke… so, I'd be happy to lend a ha-er, hoof!" I said brightly with my best 'Hire me' smile. "Oh, I don't think we need any more help; the kitchen's crowded enough as is… Let me check, sweetie." She said. "Hey, hon?" Mrs. Cake shouted behind her. "Yes, dear?" I heard a stallion's voice respond. "Do we need any help around here?" She asked. "Uh…not in the kitchen. But wait, didn't Bon Bon say something about 'wishing we delivered' or something of the like?" The stallion who was obviously Mr. Cake said. "I think so…" She answered.

_Wait am I going to be a-_

"Well, it's settled. You want work, we need a deliverypony, so you're our deliverypony." Mrs. Cake said in a matter-of-fact tone.

_-delivery boy? Apparently so._

"Um, thanks! Just let me know when I start, and my hours and stuff." I said. Mrs. Cake suddenly became businesslike and said, "Well, you can start tomorrow. We're open sunrise to sunset, so just come in a couple minutes before the Princess raises the sun. We aren't open on weekends, so of course you don't have to come in then. I'll set your starting wage at 3 bits an hour and I'll adjust it according to how well you do, as well as what I hear about our new delivery service."

"Oh, cool. Great! Thank you!" I said.

_That takes care of one issue, but I still need a place to stay…_

This mare must have been a mind-reader, because no sooner had I thought it when she asked, "Do you have a place to stay, hon?" I scuffed my hoof against the floor. "Not really…" I said. "We have a guest room upstairs. I suppose you can stay there until you find your own place. But you'll have to pay for your own food and other things yourself, ya'hear?" She said. "Oh, of course! Thank you so much!" I said.

_Everything is going better than expected._ _I have a home, a job, now maybe I can make some friends..._

"Your room is the one at the end of the hall, dear. The bathroom is second on the left." Mrs. Cake said. "Alright, thanks again, Mrs. Cake!" I said. I walked upstairs and down the hallway, passing the room that was obviously Pinkie's; what with the pink door and streamers spilling out of the crack between the door and the floor. There was a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door.

_Huh. That's _always_ a good sign with Pinkie._

I continued into the guest room. My room. It was painted a beautiful sky blue and had a picture window on the far wall. There was a twin-size bed in the corner with a dresser next to it.

_Sure is comfy, I'll pimp it out when I get some bits. But putting this in perspective is so surreal. I live in Sugarcube Corner. With Pinkie Pie. In Equestria. Jeezus, this is so… awesome!_

I was shocked out of my contemplations by a mare's voice calling out downstairs, "Pinkie? Are you here?" I then heard another voice say, "Ah don' think she's here Twi." "Don't be ridiculous, we told her we'd meet her here." The first voice replied.

_Oh my Celestia, is that who I think it is?_

"Pinkie! C'mon, we didn't invite you on a picnic for nothin'!" A third voice said. By now I had made my way from my room the top of the staircase. I was finding it difficult not to gallop down at full speed.

_Ok, hold yourself together, Brony, just walk downstairs nice and slow…_

I began descending the stairs when yet another voice called out, "PINKIE!" and a pink blur shot past me, down the stairs, and came to a halt just around the corner. "Oooh oooh, is it picnic time?" She asked? "Yes dear, it is. Now if we could be getting along, this picnic basket is quite heavy." I cantered down the remaining stairs and said, "Wait!" Just as I rounded the corner, I saw six mares. There was a unicorn with a purple coat and a like-colored mane with a pink streak in it. Next to her was another unicorn who had a white coat that made her look like a giant marshmallow and elegantly styled purple mane who was carrying a picnic basket over her back. Towards the door was a pegasus with a yellow coat and a cute, pink mane that covered half of her face. Closest to me was an earth pony with an orange coat and a dirty blonde mane who was wearing a Stetson. Next to her was another pegasus with a bright blue coat and a rainbow colored mane. Finally, the pink earth pony with the poofy, pink mane in the center of the group.

Time stopped. I almost pissed myself. I must've looked like I was about to have an aneurysm. "Ummm, Pinkie, who is this?" Twilight Sparkle asked. "Uhhhh, I don't really know, I didn't ask." She replied. "Well then, who are you, new guy?" Rainbow Dash asked, "Are you a SPY?"

_Man, she thinks _everyone's_ a spy._

"Um…I'm…Brony. B-Brony Blast." I managed to stutter. "What a...unique name," Twilight said with a plastered-on smile, "I'm Twilight Sparkle, and these are my friends, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and I guess you already know Pinkie Pie.", gesturing to each pony as she said their name. "Uh, nice to meet you all." I said. "I have an idea! You should come with us on our picnic, we can talk and we can get to know you further." Twilight said with a genuine smile now.

_Shit, dude. I have a chance to hang out with the mane six already! That didn't take long._

"Is everyone ok with Brony tagging along?" She asked. "Yeah, he seems alright." Dash said. "Sounds good tuh me." Applejack replied. "Oh of course, darling. The more the merrier." Rarity responded. "Yeah, it'll be FUN!" Pinkie answered. Twilight turned to Fluttershy, "What about you, Fluttershy? Are you ok with Brony coming with us on our picnic?" Fluttershy looked up at Twilight and whispered "Oh, oh yes, but…I mean," she looked towards me, "only if you want to…" "Yeah, how about it, Brony?" Dash asked. "Absolutely! I'd love to!" I said. "Great!" Twilight said, "Let's go." So the six mares turned and walked out of the store. "Have fun, dears!" Mrs. Cake called out after them. "Brony! Ya comin' or what!?" Rainbow Dash yelled. "Oh, I'm comin'!" I yelled back, and I galloped after them.

It was a beautiful day as I walked through Ponyville with the others; the sun was reaching its apex and the air was crisp as a celery stalk. "Did you guys hear about DJ PON-3's new album?" Dash asked. "Vinyl came out with a new album?" I said. "Yeah, it's called Bass Cannon, wait, you're into dubstep?" She said, "Yeah, I listen to it sometimes. I really like Alex S, though. His earlier stuff." I responded. Dash made a face, "Alex S? Who's that?"

_Oh shit, no human stuff while I'm here._

"Oh, nopony, he's, um, my cousin. Cool stallion. Anyway, I need to go pick up Vinyl's album, where's the record shop around here?" I asked. "Oh, it's on Mane Street, if you turn left at Town Square and make a left at the next intersection, you'll see it." Dash answered. "Awesome, thanks." I said.

_Looks like I'm getting some points in with Rainbow Dash._

"It seems like you two are getting along better than two pigs in a mud pile." Applejack said. "You say that about every stallion I talk to." Dash said, rolling her eyes. I looked over to her and said, "I dunno, you seem pretty awesome." "Oh, thanks." She said. For a moment I swear I could see a hint of a blush.

_Haha, pony me has still got it._

"So, where are we headed?" I asked. "Ponyville Park. It's not too far." Twilight said. "Well tgus basket isn't getting any lighter." Rarity said. "Why didn't you say something? I can get it." I said while magiking the basket off her back and onto mine.

_Shit, this _is _pretty heavy. Oh well, I can deal with it._

"Oh, thank you _so_ much, darling. You are ever so kind." She said. "That's lovely of you to say Rarity. I just figured a lady like yourself shouldn't have to carry things when there's an able-bodied stallion around." I replied humbly. "Well that's very sweet of you." She said. "You're quite the sweet-talker, aren't you Brony Blast?" Twilight said. I grinned. "Weeeel, I've been told I have a silver tongue." I said. "Whaaat!?" Pinkie said, "Lemmie see!" She then proceeded to reach inside my mouth and pull my tongue out to examine it. "Ah! Pih-y, leh go my tunh!" I yelled. "I don't see any silver." She said. "He means he's good at speaking, Pinkie!" Fluttershy said, trying to pry Pinkie off of my tongue. "Oh. Sorry." Pinkie said. She released my tongue and smiled apologetically. "Owww." I said, trying to fit my tongue back into my mouth. "On the bright side, we're here." Fluttershy said.

"Awesome." I said. "Let's set up right here." Twilight said, pointing to a spot under an oak tree. "Alrigh' then, Brony, if you would jus' set the basket down righ' here." Applejack said. Twilight opened the basket and magiked the blanket out and laid it down on the ground. Rarity then magiked the plates and food out onto the blanket. There was salad and sandwiches and apple cider and grape juice and a delectable assortment of baked goods that I can only guess came from Sweet Apple Acres. I did notice one thing that was missing.

_No meat. Damn. I forgot about that bit. Ugh. Oh well, I guess I don't really _need _meat seeing as I'm a horse._

"Alright everyone, help yourself!" Twilight said. "Aww yeah!" Dash said, getting some salad and a sandwich. I grabbed a daffodil sandwich on rye and hesitantly took a bite.

_Damn, this is pretty good._

I took another bite, and another, and then the sandwich was gone.

_I didn't notice how hungry I am._

"This is pretty good." I said after swallowing my mouthful of sammie. "Why thank ya, sugar, the family and I made all the food this morning." "Awesomesauce." I said. "Awesomesauce? What does that taste like?" Rainbow Dash said. I chuckled to myself, "No, you misunderstand. Awesomesauce isn't literally a sauce, it's just a thing I say." "Oh, cool. Mind if I start saying it?" She asked. "Not really. Say whatever you feel like, y'know?" I said like a cool kid. "Awesome…sauce." Dash said. "Ha ha, exactly." I said.

_Maybe I can try to get Dash alone and maybe ask her out or something…_ _Actually, it'd probably be better to wait till I get some cash and get to know her better._

"So Brony," Twilight said, "I have a question: How good at magic are you?" She asked.

_To be perfectly honest, I have no idea._

"I'm pretty good, but probably not as good as you." I said. "How about we find out?" She said.

_What!? Is she about to challenge me to a m-_

"Magic duel." She said.

_Shit._

"Just a friendly competition, I've been needing some practice." She continued.

_I'm boned._

"You up for it?" She asked.

_I don't wanna look like a pussy, so…_

"Sure, let's do it." I said. "Great! Let's move over here." Twilight said, walking over to a spot about twenty yards away and gesturing towards where I should stand.I walked over to where she had directed me. We stood about ten yards apart in the field. The mane six stood to the side, watching, waiting something to happen. "So, are there some rules to follow or something?" I asked. "Just one, we aren't going to be doing physical harm to each other or any other living being." She replied.

_Alright, coolio. So, like a magical pissing contest._

"So, let's begin." Twilight said in a confident voice. "Fluttershy, is it possible that you could step up and assist me with completing this spell?" She asked. "Oh, umm...me?" Flutters asked timidly. "Yes, you! I don't see any other Fluttershys around!" Twilight burst out. "Ummm...okay..." She said, and then quietly and hesitantly walked over to me. "Now in this spell, I will transform her physical appearance to one mimicking mine." Twi said. Just as she said it, a ghostly, purple aura cloaked her horn, shifting around it in many different forms. She stared at Fluttershy, and the lightly aura bounced from her horn to Fluttershy's hooves. A cloud of dust surrounded her. After a moment, the dust cleared, revealing a perfect copy of Twilight. I could only stare at the two Twilights before me.

_Damn, she's good, although I think I can top that._ _Hm, how about an elemental spell. I could do an earth spell…maybe make a small plateau underneath me or something. Yeah, let's do that._

I leaned down and touched my horn to the ground, envisioning a mound of rock rising and pushing me up with it. After a second of concentration, I felt myself rising through the air. "Woaah." I heard Dash say in awe. "Top that!" I yelled to Twilight, who was now ten feet below me.She gazed up at me."How's the weather down there. Twi?" I shouted down. "Great!" She shot back. She stood there, thinking for a moment, but then the sky then opened up above me and released a torrent of rain.Within seconds of the downpour beginning above me, I was soaked to the bone.

_Dammit Twi. Stupid weather spells._

I attempted a negation spell and tried to ease the downfall, and nearly exhausted myself on the spell when I finally gave up.

_Well, I suck with weather spells. Damn._ _What do I do now?_

While I was struggling to reverse the rain spell, Twilight took the opportunity to gloat, "Having trouble there, Brony?" She shouted over the storm. "Yeah, a bit!" I yelled back."Give up?" she asked.

_Goddammit. I think I have to. _

"Yeah. I guess." I said. I then dissolved the plateau and jumped down to her. I walked over to her and held my hoof out to shake. She took it in hers and we shook. "GG no re." I said. "What?" She said back. "Nothing, just a thing I say." I said.

Twi and I walked over to the others and sat down with them in the grass. "That was ama-zing!" Pinkie said, "Twilight was all like, FWOOSH and then Brony was like, POOF and Twilight was like-" "Pinkie, chillax." Rainbow Dash said, "but that _was _pretty awesome you guys." "Ah liked it when Brony made that mountain outta nothing." Applejack said. "Oh, thanks." I said, feeling a bit embarrassed. "I thought it was pretty cool too." Dash said. "Oh…um…thanks, I guess, but let's not forget who won." I said, "Congrats, Twilight." "Thanks, Brony." She said, making a slight bow.

_Not the most humble pony in Equestria, is she? _

"You both did really well." Fluttershy said. "I quite enjoyed the show as well." Rarity added. "Well, I'm glad everyone was entertained." I said modestly. "Let's head back to Sugarcube Corner." Twilight suggested. "Ooh ooh, I have an idea!" Pinkie said as we packed up, "It's getting late, we could have a sleepover!" She said excitedly. "That sounds like fun." I said. "What about you guys?" I asked. "Ah'm in." Applejack said. "Me too." Dash said. "I suppose I could come." Rarity said. "I'd love to." Twi said. "Oh, um…I don't know…sure, I'll come as well." Fluttershy said. "So it's settled," Pinkie said, "We can sleep in Brony's room, right Brony?"

_I'm liking the direction this is going._

"Uh, yeah. Sure." I said while the wheels in my mind turned. "Great! Let's go!" Pinkie said. And she bounced ahead of us up to Sugarcube Corner.


	3. The First Night

**Chapter 3: The First Night**

We all made our way back to Sugarcube Corner, it was dusk by the time we got there. The store itself was closed for business, but Pinkie had a key tucked away somewhere, so she opened the door and we all walked in. My mind kicked into overdrive, considering every potentiality and weighing every variable.

_Alright, how am I gonna pull this off? I need to find a way to get Dash alone with me, preferably after the others have fallen asleep…_

"Okie dokey lokey! I'll grab some tasty treats for us. You gals and guy can go on upstairs." Pinkie said. "D'you need a ha-er, hoof Pinkie?" I asked her. "No, I got it. Go ahead, Brony. I'll be right up and then we can get to the FUN!" She said while scooping things up from the bakery racks and the fridge. Deciding that it's best to leave her to her business, I walked upstairs after the others and we all filed into Pinkie's room. It was huge, bigger than the living room at my house in the human world, and was lavishly decorated-with pink. Pink EVERYTHING. Imagine your little sister- or cousin- or whatever's room, but pinker. That's what Pinkie's room looked like.

_Jesus, this place looks like the fluffle puff pony exploded in here._

"So…pink." I said. "Yep." Dash said back. "I think we can all deal with Pinkie's...eccentric interior decorating for the night." Twilight said. "I guess." Dash and I said. "Well, I believe a bit of purple or green would do this place a world of good." Rarity said. "Ah don' think ah can do this, girls. There's jus too much pink…" AJ said, clearly not taking the girlishness well. "But pink is GREAT!" Pinkie said as she burst into the room. "AND I brought snacks!" She said. "Ooh, did you get some raspberry tarts?" Fluttershy asked. Pinkie nodded and tossed a tart over to her. Flutters caught it and took a bite. She smiled appreciatively. "Snackage is always appreciated, Pinks." Rainbow Dash said as she grabbed a soda from the pile. "Anyone have an idea for a game we could play?" Twilight asked.

_Hmm...I should suggest spin the bottle. _

I was just about to speak up when Rarity said, "Ooh, we could play twenty questions! I loved playing with you and Applejack during that storm a while back." "Sounds like fun." I said. "Yippie! Fun!" Pinkie said. "That sounds good." Fluttershy said. "Ah think it's a great idea." Applejack said. "Then it's settled. You all know the rules: I'll think of something and then we can go around the room clockwise and you can try to guess what I'm thinking of. Remember, you only have twenty questions." Twilight explained. We were already sat in a circle, starting from me and going clockwise, it was Me, AJ, RD, Pinkie, Fluttershy, Rarity, and then Twilight on my right. "So Brony, you can go first." Twilight said.

_Excellent, I should start broad and try to get more specific as we go on._

"It is alive?" I asked. "Nope. Applejack, it's your turn." Twilight said. "Alrigh' let's see…" Applejack thought for a minute then asked, "Can ya eat it?" "As a matter of fact, you can't." Twilight said, suppressing a smile. "Shoot. Alrigh' Dash, you're up." Rainbow Dash looked out the window for a second and said "Hmmmm…" until she asked, "Is it really big?" "Yes it is." Twilight responded. "Ooh, ooh, my turn!" Pinkie Pie said. "Is it bigger than Sugarcube Corner?" She asked. "Oh yes, much bigger." Twilight answered. "Your turn, Fluttershy." Twilight said. "Oh, um… is it bigger than Ponyville?" "What? What could she be thinking of that's bigger than Ponyville?" Dash said. "I don't know, maybe a-." Fluttershy started, but was interrupted by Twilight saying, "Yes, much bigger than Ponyville." She said. "Oh." Dash said, surprised. "Over to you, Rarity." Twilight said, looking to her. "My, my; is it bigger than Equis?" She asked hesitantly. "What!?" Applejack shouted, "What in Equestria could it be that's bigger than Equis?" "Maybe it isn't _in _Equestria, _Applejack_." Rarity retorted. "Alright, let's find out. Is it bigger than Equis?" I asked. "Indeed it is." Twilight said.

_It must be pretty huge, obviously a celestial body._

"Alright, so it's in space. Is it the sun?" Applejack asked. "…kind of?" Twilight said hesitantly. "Whaddya mean, 'kind of'?" Dash asked. "Well, figure it out. By the way, that counted as your turn, Rainbow Dash." "Ugh." Dash said, "All yours, Pinkie." "Is it… a star?" She asked. "Why yes it is, Pinkie. Nicely done." Twilight said, surprised. "Yay! I won!" Pinkie cried as a shower of confetti rained down from nowhere. "Hey, let's play again." Rainbow Dash suggested. "Sounds good!" Pinkie said, and thus the second game of 20 questions began. I grabbed a brownie and a soda from the pile of snacks Pinkie brought.

_This is the life._

A few hours later, we were all laid about the room munching on snacks and sipping our sodas. "I'm boooored." Rainbow Dash said. "Well let's do something, then." Twilight said.

_Oh shit, here's my chance._

"Uh, I have an idea for a game we could play." I said. "And what game would that be?" Dash asked me, still not looking up. "Well, it's called seven minutes in heaven." I said slowly. "Seven minutes in heaven, what is tarnation is that?" Applejack asked.

_They haven't heard of seven minutes in heaven? Huh. Might as well explain it to them._

"Seven minutes in heaven is a pretty common party game where I come from. It pretty much goes like this: All the players sit in a circle and there's an empty bottle in the center. Somepony spins the bottle and they have to go in the closet for seven minutes with whomever the bottle opening points to. You can do anything you want in the closet, but you only have seven minutes." I said. "That sounds a bit, odd." Fluttershy said. "Well, I mean, it's completely platonic, there's no real harm in it. You girls are all pretty close friends, right?" I said, attempting to cover my tracks. "Of course." Twilight said. "Well, I have a bottle right here. You guys in?" I asked. "Sure, sounds kinda cool." Dash said. "Alright, I may as well learn about this game through experience." Twilight replied. Rarity thought for a while, then said, "Oh, why not. There can't be any real harm in it." "Ah guess ah'll play." Applejack said. "Sounds like fun to me!" Pinkie said. Fluttershy was a bit hesitant, "Oh…um…well…I guess. We _have _been friends for quite a while." She said.

"Okay, who wants to go first?" I asked. Twilight raised her hoof into the air. "Go for it, Twi." I said. She took the bottle and spun it, it came to a halt on Applejack. "Okay, so we're supposed tuh go in the closet now?" Applejack asked. "That's the way the game works." I said, nodding. The two awkwardly got up and shuffled into the closet. "I'll shall act as the timekeeper." Rarity said, pointing a hoof at the clock on the wall. "Okay. So we just wait out here?" Fluttershy asked. "Looks like it!" Pinkie replied.

And so we waited until Rarity pointed out that seven minutes had passed. Pinkie was the one to notify the participants, "TIME'S UP!" Applejack and Twilight stepped out of the closet somewhat disheveled; most likely owing to the cramped space more than any lewd acts. "This is an odd game, Brony." Twilight said. "I guess you could say that." I said in answer. "I wanna go next!" Pinkie said. "Alright, go for it, Pinks." Dash said. AJ and Twi rejoined the circle and Pinkie spun the bottle. The bottle spun so fast it became a blur and started flying into the air. The mane six treated this as normal.

_Pinkie Pie..._

After what seemed like ages, the bottle finally stopped on Fluttershy, "Oh my...um...so do I-?" "Let's GO!" Pinkie said, as she grabbed Fluttershy's hoof and dragged her cartoonishly fast into the closet, leaving a smoky shadow of themselves behind. Again, no one seemed to think this was odd. "Seven minutes begins now." Rarity announced to the room.

_This is not going exactly to plan..._

Another seven minutes in boredom later, Rarity notified Pinkie and Flutters that their time was up, and they tumbled out of the closet along with a multitude of balloons. They were both covered in confetti. Fluttershy looked like a veteran of Vietnam while Pinkie was still boisterous as ever. "So who's turn is it now?" Pinkie asked. "I think it's my turn." I answered, taking the bottle in my hoof. Pinkie and Fluttershy sat back down in their places and I spun the bottle, saying a silent prayer to Celestia that it landed on Rainbow Dash. Apparently, the sun goddess was listening, because the opening of the bottle stopped pointing towards Dashie herself.

_Haha! Thank you, Princess! Now I just need to not fuck this up._

"Okay, let's go, I guess." Dash said, getting up and walking toward the open closet. My heart rate skyrocketed. "Yeah." Was all I managed to say. I followed her into the closet and closed the door behind me. It was completely dark, I couldn't see my hoof in front of my face. "I think I figured out what this game is for." Dash said. "Did you?" I asked. "Mhm..." She said, and then I felt something soft against me. Rainbow was pressing up against me, her warmth seeping into my coat. She touched her muzzle to mine and my brain lit up like a Hearth's Warming tree. I could feel her breath on my face, it was warm and sent shivers down my spine. She twisted her mouth around and kissed me; no more than a peck, but it got me going. Something twitched between my legs.

_Shit, I hadn't even noticed that._

She kissed me again, more passionately this time. Her mouth opened and I felt a tongue running along my muzzle. I opened my mouth in response and her tongue crept into my mouth. The sensation between my legs intensified and Rainbow seemed to sense it. She withdrew and said "Took you long enough." I could hear the smile in her voice. Then, without warning, she pushed me over and I fell to the floor on my back. "Ah! What the hell?" I cried. "Shh, shut up! Just roll with it, Brony." She said. I was about to say something when I felt something hot against my now very erect stallionhood. Through the pleasure that was crackling through my brain, I managed to figure out that the heat against my cock was a mouth. Rainbow Dash's mouth. She was kissing the tip of my member. She then began delicately licking around my head, sending shivers of lust through my body. Just as I was beginning to get into the rhythm of pleasure signals being sent from my head to my head and back, she took my entire cock into her mouth, the warm cave enveloped my stallionhood and made me moan in ecstasy.

She was either a natural or had done this before. She removed my member from her mouth and placed her tongue on the base, slowly moving upwards until she reached the tip. She then resumed sucking, slowly, but speeding up incrementally. I was beyond thought at that point, I was too far gone in a world of pure ecstasy. After a few more seconds, Rainbow began sucking my stallionhood faster than I thought possible, her tongue coiling and uncoiling around my member as she went. I felt pressure building and the realization that I was reaching climax pulled me out of my state of subconscious bliss into full awareness. I could feel every amazing sensation radiating from my cock as the mare with the rainbow mane grazed it with her tongue while sucking in such a way that I thought I would cum at any second. I moaned in pleasure. The pressure in my stallionhood could build no more. As if sensing this, Dash took my cock into her mouth, past the medial ring and right down to the base right as I blew my load. I felt rope after rope of warm cum shoot down her throat while she hungrily swallowed every drop.

The orgasm tapered off and left me a shivering, panting mess. "Holy fuck, Rainbow…" I said, "You are amazing…" She stared into my eyes with a look of pure passion. "Oh, don't think you're getting off _that _easy." She said, but before I could find out what she meant by that, I heard Twilight yelling, "Time's up!" The door opened and Rainbow and I were thrust into illumination. Unfortunately, we were both in a somewhat compromising position: me on my back, my deflating member exposed; her situated over me with a hoof to her marehood.

_Well, this is awkward. _

Twilight and the others stared at us as we walked out of the closet and back into the real world. The throes of sexual passion were gone, replaced by awkwardness and shame.

_Shit, I need to cover our asses. I'll just suggest we all go to bed._

"Hey you guys, it's getting kinda late. We should probably go to sleep." I said, wearing my best poker face. "Uh, yeah. We probably should." Dash agreed. "Yeah, we should go to bed." Twilight said as she conjured 6 sleeping bags. Rarity got the lights and the mares climbed into their bags, Pinkie hopping onto her bed. "I'm actually gonna go sleep in my room..." I said to nopony in particular. I did my best to navigate the maze of mares on the floor, trotted to the door, opened it as quietly as I could, walked out into the hall, and magiked the door closed as I went into my room. I climbed into my bed and my mind raced. I got nice and comfy on my side with my hooves tucked close to my body. I closed my eyes and waited for sleep. After a second, or hours, (you can never know when you're in that place between waking and sleep,) I was whisked away into a dream.

I was in what looked like the realm, or dimension, or whatever-type-place that Twilight was taken to by Princess Celestia at the end of _Magical Mystery Cure_, when Twilight was made an alicorn. Except there was one difference, the floating screen-things weren't displaying scenes from Twilight's memory, they were displaying scenes from _my_ memory. "What the hell's going on here!?" I shouted into the nothingness. "We needed to talk to you." I heard a voice say.

_The fuck? I swear I know that voice…_

"Show yourself!" I yelled in the direction of the voice. Two alicorns materialized about ten yards in front of me. "Uh…" was all I managed to say as I faced the twin princesses. I regained my sense after a few moments, bowed and said, "Princesses." "You are no subject of ours, thusly you are not required to bow." Luna said. I rose and said, "But princess I-." "There is no reason to lie to us," Celestia said, "we know you are not of this world."

_Well shit... Oh fuck, what if they make me go back? I don't wanna go!_

"You do not have to leave if you do not wish to. In fact, we need you, Zachary." Luna said.

_Did she just read my mind?_

"In a way, yes." Luna answered. "Seeing as you are in a dream, I can see your thoughts, memories," she gestured toward the screens, "and emotions. I endeavor not to pry too deep, though." "That's… kinda weird…" I said. "It is, but I suggest you just 'roll with it'." Celestia said. "Uh, ok." I replied. This encounter was getting weirder by the second. "So, why am I here? What's up with coming into my dream?" I asked. "It's somewhat of a long story." Celestia said. "Like how long?" I asked. "Long enough that you should sit down." Celestia answered. "Ok, just lay it on me, then." I said. "I will: You are- no doubt- aware of the nature of the portal that brought you here?" Celestia asked. "Mostly, yeah." I replied. "Well, you may have noticed that the school where you found the portal is nothing like the Canterlot High that Twilight told me about. This is curious, seeing as we originally thought that there was but one portal between worlds. In fact, there are fourteen." Celestia explained. "What?" I said blankly. "Fourteen portals, scattered across the human world." She said.

_Ok, mindfuck in progress. So, fourteen portals all around my world…weird._

"The reason we need you is because helpless humans are wandering into Equestria." Celestia said. "Is that bad? Because I love it here." I said. "Yes, it is bad. You are the exception to the rule, as it happens; we'll get to that later. It is bad because when a human meets his or her pony counterpart, the shock of the experience fries their brains. They both either die or become vegetables." She said. "Holy shit... But you still haven't told me why I'm important." I said impatiently. "I'm getting to that." She said, "Now, I'm about to drop a lot on you, brace yourself." "What do you mean?" I asked. "I mean, you are unique." She said. "And by that you mean…?" I asked. "You are the only pony without a human counterpart." She replied ominously.

_Okay, so? Wait... what?_

"Don't you mean the only _human_ without a _pony_ counterpart?" I asked slowly. The princesses looked at me softly. I think Luna had a tear in her eye. "What the hell are you looking at me like that for?" I asked. "No, Zachary, I meant what I said. You are a pony from birth." She said. I started to shake, for what reason, I had no idea, but I couldn't handle whatever I was feeling. "Wait, you mean that…I'm not human…?" I said as I teared up. Luna nodded. The shock of what was being told to me was too much for me to handle, I broke down. "Oh God, or… oh Celestia…I..." I managed to sputter before collapsing on the ground. After a few seconds, the rational side of my brain took over and I had a thought. "Wait…prove it." I said, wiping my face.

_There's no way I'm actually a pony, I would remember _something_._

Celestia gestured towards one of the screen-things. On it was an image of a tiny, light green colt with a tuft of brown hair on his head. He was being held by a middle-aged-looking mare with a forest green coat and a blonde mane. I instantly felt attracted to her; not sexually, but emotionally. I felt like she was the center of my world. Like she was my...mom.

_Oh God, no…no no no no no. No no no! NO! This isn't happening…this can't be real!_

The mare on the screen began to speak, "You'll be called Sacrifice. Because that's what you are, and what you'll always be." Suddenly, two burly stallions burst into frame and took the colt from the mare holding it, leaving the mare on the ground, sobbing. "What was that?" I asked. My emotions began to take hold again, and I was struggling to stay composed. Luna looked at me and said, "It was your birth, Sacrifice." "What the hell? Why was I a sacrifice? Why did I have to go to the human world? Who were those stallions working for? Where's my- er, that colt's dad?" I asked.

"Here let's rewind a bit," Celestia said, "your mother was a prostitute when she met your dad. He hired her, she did her thing. The odd thing was, your dad came back, night after night. It wasn't only sex that he wanted, he wanted companionship. He would hire her just to talk. Eventually, your mom, her name was Sparkle Dance, gave up her job and married your dad, Green Grass. Unfortunately, Green Grass became unemployed a few days after your conception. He worked at a lab in Manehattan where they tested strange new spells. They're the ones that created the mirror. They needed a test subject, your parents needed the money. They could barely support themselves, let alone you. You were tossed through after they charmed you to read life signs and such. They saw that it worked, and abandoned you.

You were found by your human mother, Andrea Fykes, and she raised you. The whole reason you don't have a doppelganger- and this is all speculation- is because you went through the portal so early, whatever force that governs the two dimensions didn't have time to see if there was two of you, it just saw you in two worlds and that was good enough." She finished with a sigh. "Ok, I just have one more question. What do I have to do? You say I'm all special and shit, and that there's some tragedy going on across the dimensions, so I obviously need to do something." I said. I was seriously at the end of my rope. "Close the portals. You are the only one who can do the spell to close them." Tia said. "Okay, sounds easy enough, fourteen portals across the human world, close 'em up and everything's hunky-dory." I said cooly, while I was crying and huddled in the fetal position inside. "I'm glad you understand." Celestia said. "By the way, Sacrifice: good morning." Luna added.


	4. A Day in the Life

**Chapter 4: A Day in the Life**

I woke in my room in Sugarcube Corner, sunlight streamed in the window and I could hear the Mane 6 talking down the hall. I looked out of my window at the sunrise; Ponyville was just waking up.

_Oh, sunrise, I should probably get downstairs and report for duty._

I hopped out from under the covers and landed on my hooves. I trotted quietly down the hall as to not wake the others, who were still asleep. I descended the staircase and walked into the store proper, where I saw Mrs. Cake with a pile of stuff. "There ya are hun." She smiled. "This is the things you'll need for today." She said. "Here's your satchel, a map, and your first delivery." She said, handing me a bag, a piece of paper, and a box with a note on it. I glanced at the note, it was actually a receipt. It said:

_Name: Lemon Drop_

_Order: One dozen cupcakes_

_Address: 15 Mane Street_

_Amount Due: 12 bits_

"That's everything, dear." Mrs. Cake said, "Now go on and skedaddle." _Alright, let's go._ I stuffed everything into the satchel and exited the shop. I magiked the map out and glanced at it before replacing it. I turned left and started towards my first house.

I arrived about 5 minutes later without getting lost.

_Alright, 15 Mane Street, here we go._

I walked up to the door and rang the bell. I heard hoofsteps getting closer until a sunshine-yellow mare opened the door. "Hey, whaddya want?" She asked. "Oh, uh, I have your cupcakes, ma'am." I stuttered.

_She is gorgeous. Why do all the mares in this town have to be so damn pretty?_

She had a long, platinum blonde mane and stunning, violet eyes. "Oh, cool. Just hoof them here." She said softly. I opened the satchel and magiked the box into her outstretched hoof. "Thanks, how much do I owe ya?" She asked, setting the box down and reaching into her purse. "Uh, 12 bits, ma'am." I responded. "Alright, here ya go." She flashed a half-smile and gave me 15 bits. "Oh, no ma'am, it's only 12." I said when I noticed the extra. "That's your tip, sweetie, for being so cute." She said.

_Well then…_

"Um, thank you ma'am, i-it was pleasure meeting you." I said before putting the money into the satchel and cantering off, back towards Sugarcube Corner. When I got back Mrs. Cake had two more deliveries for me. "Here's the orders and receipts. Go get 'em." She said.

_Working life isn't that bad. I could get used to this. I get to meet new ponies and I get some exercise as well._

First up: Haywood Leaves at 26 Timberbane Road, who ordered a box of brownies.I cantered the eight blocks to Haywood's house, walked up, and rang the doorbell. It took a solid twenty seconds, but the door eventually opened, framing a brown-coated, long, dusty blonde-haired unicorn stallion. "What's up, dude?" He asked. His eyes were so squinted I was surprised he could see and his speech was a bit slurred. I could distinctly smell an aroma I was a tad familiar with wafting out the door.

_Smells like...weed. Huh, looks like I've met a stoner pony._

I wasn't a stoner as a human, but I didn't object to the occasional blunt when I was hanging out with some friends. "I got your brownies, bro." I said. "Word." Hayward said. I opened the satchel and magicked the brownies into the air, he grabbed them with his magic and set them inside. "Thanks dude." He said, holding his hoof out to me. I brohoofed him and said, "That's ten bits dude." "Word," he said and gave me sixteen bits.

_That's an insane tip._

"Hold up dude, it's only ten." I said. "Nah, bro, I'm just expressing my gratitude monetarily, yaknow?" He said. "Oh, cool. Thanks man." I said before storing the bits in my bag and walking off. I checked the next receipt,

_Next up, Frozen Lakes on Pine Tree Boulevard._

The sun was nearing the center of the sky and I was getting hungry. I decided to grab a bite to eat after this delivery. As I made my way to the next house.I turned left and checked that I was still on track. After confirming my route, I thought about the consequences of what had happened so far since I'd been in Equestria.

_How am I gonna get with RD while I'm on some fucking quest to destroy all these portal things? Should we go together? I wonder if she'd be up for that...I dunno. Maybe I could bring the others as well. That might get complicated, though. Too many distractions and stuff. Plus, too many ponies to walk into me and Dash's potential 'personal time'. I really have no idea. What if Celestia forbids them from accompanying me? That would _suck_. Damn. _

My thoughts turned to the revelation of last night.

_So I guess my mom isn't human and is instead a pony. That's weird. And what was the 'force' that governs the logic and stuff of the portals? It has to be a consciousness, otherwise it would've figured out that there wasn't two of me. It can't be an omniscient consciousness, either then; for the same reason. Which rules out God, or any god, for that matter. I wonder if there are any non-omniscient gods? What if it's a human or something…? That'd be _super _weird. _

I realized that I'd walked a block past my destination during my musings. I backtracked and approached the front door. I knocked and the door was opened a few seconds later by a middle-aged-looking stallion. I gave him the cake he ordered. "Thanks, son." Thunder said. "You're welcome, sir." I glanced at the receipt and said, "That'll be 14 bits, sir." "Of course, one moment please." He said and walked into his home, most likely in search of his wallet. He returned about 15 seconds later with a coin purse in his mouth. He set it down on a side table and rummaged through it. He finally got ahold of the bits and dropped them into my outstretched hoof. "There you are." He said. "Thanks, sir." I replied, and magicked the bits into my pouch. "Have a nice day." I said in farewell as Thunder closed the door. I saw him wave through the crack in the closing door.

_He was a cool guy._ _Ok, I'm gonna run back and tell Mrs. Cake that I'm going on lunch break._

So I did. I cantered to Sugarcube Corner to see a line of nine ponies at the counter.

_Damn, is it always like this at lunchtime?_

I managed to get to the counter to notify her of my break. "Hey, Mrs. Cake, I'm gonna take my lunch break. Is that ok?" I asked over the chatter. "Of course, just be back in an hour, we have some orders piling up. I'm surprised we have so many deliveries for you on your first day." She said. "Me too." I agreed. And with that, I turned and headed to the café on Mane Street.

_I really hope I have another dream tonight and the princesses explain what the _fuck _I have to do in more detail._

I arrived at the café and ordered a soda and some hay fries.

_Not an ideal lunch, but tasty and cheap._

There was a sundial in the patio where I was eating and when I checked the time after finishing my food, I found that it was about three o'clock.

_Awesome, seeing as it's fall, and assuming that Celestia raises and lowers the sun at the same times as the sun rises and sets in the human world, I only have 4 more hours of work._

I returned to Sugarcube Corner, got 3 more deliveries, and sped off.

A few hours later, I was walking up the stairs in Sugarcube Corner at about 7:30 pm, tired, but otherwise fulfilled. I had made 13 bits from tips plus my 36 bit wage.

_49 bits, not bad for my first day._

According to the calendar in the store proper, it's Wednesday, the 23rd of October.

_Nightmare Night's coming up soon. I wonder what I should go as… Oh, I almost forgot about Pinkie's Nightmare Night party._

During my deliveries, I ran into Pinkie, who was passing out invitations to her party. She gave me one and galloped off whilst I returned to my work.

_I may just go as a zombie pony, that'd be cool. _

I walked into my room and slipped into my bed.

_Hey, princesses, I'd love another dream where you tell me what the fuck to actually _do _about these portals._

I fell asleep and began to dream.

I was back in Celestia's realm. The screens showed my human memories, as well as some pony ones that I couldn't remember. Princesses Celestia and Luna stood before me and I bowed. "Princesses." I said humbly. "Sacrifice." Celestia addressed me. For whatever reason, my blood boiled at being called by my birth name. "Princess, if you would be so kind, please call me Brony or Zack. I dislike being called Sacrifice." I said. "I'll keep that in mind." She said. "Anywho, I've asked Luna to help bring you here so that we can better explain your quest."

_Thank Celestia. Heh, literally._

"Many thanks, Princess. I've been curious to learn more of my task." I said. "Well, let's go over what you know, there are 14 portals scattered across the human world, your mission is to find and close these portals. The spell to close these portals can only be performed by you, as you have no human double." Tia said. "Yeah, but how do I _do _that spell?" I asked. "You must concentrate all your spirit on the portal and simply will it to close. The spell will leave you extremely drained, so be cautious." She explained.

_That's it? Nice. The hard part is finding the portals._

"I have another question, can somepony come with me?" I asked. "You speak of Rainbow Dash, do you not?" Luna asked, "I have sensed your longing for and attraction to her." "Yeah, I'm talking about Rainbow. I would really like a partner...on the quest, that is." I said. "She seems like she may be a distraction, though." Tia said.

_Damn, she'll need some convincing._

"But I doubt that I'll be able to do it all on my own." I said. "Precisely," Celestia said, "that's why I'm sending my student, Twilight Sparkle, with you. She has knowledge of the human world and a strong grasp on the magic of friendship. She is a fitting companion." Tia finished. "But, what if we need to use the Elements of Harmony, we'll need all six of them for that." I argued. "Yes, this is true…" Celestia said with an air of thought.

_C'mon...c'mon… just say it's ok…_

After a second, Tia turned to Luna. "What do you think, sister?" She asked. Luna thought for a second and leaned in to whisper to Tia. "Ok, that makes sense." Celestia said. I heard a voice in my head. _"I have convinced her to allow the others to accompany you on your quest. I understand how much you care for Rainbow Dash."_

Luna thought to me.

_Thank you._

_"You are welcome."_ Celestia turned back to me and said, "You will be accompanied on your quest by Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash. You will come to Canterlot the day after tomorrow to be briefed, you will depart on your journey the day after that. Understood?" Celestia asked. "Yes, your Majesty." I responded, bowing. "Good. I must now go and raise the sun." I shall expect you on the first train to Canterlot, Friday morning." She said. And with that, my dream began to recede into the distance, until it was a speck at the farthest reaches of my vision, then I woke up.

After getting a shower, I went downstairs, grabbed a coffee and donut from Mr. Cake, got two deliveries from Mrs. Cake, and headed out into Ponyville.

_Well, at least I got an explanation. Now I just need to ask the others if they wanna come with me on a ridiculously long and possibly life threatening quest. That'll go well. _

I made my first round of deliveries and decided to go to Twilight's house. As I walked, I contemplated how to phrase it so that I could sound not crazy.

_Well ya see Twi, I need to go on a quest into the human world to close the interdimensional portals like the one in the castle...how do I know there's one in the castle? I'm actually from the human world...yeah, no, I don't go to Canterlot High...ugh, even in my head I can't explain it!_

I arrived at the library and knocked. The door opened almost immediately and I saw Spike in the doorway. "Uh, hey, is Twilight here?" I asked the baby dragon. "Yeah, she's upstairs reading." He said, "I'll go get her." "Thanks." I said. "Twilight!" Spike yelled into the ceiling. "Yes, Spike?" I heard a muffled voice reply. "We have company!" He shouted back. "I'll be right there." Twilight responded. She came down the stairs and stopped halfway when she saw me. "Oh, Brony...hi." She said slowly.

_She obviously remembers the sleepover._

"Twi," I started, "whatever you saw at the sleepover, it wasn't what it looked like, I'm not that kind of stallion. I actually came to ask you for help." "Help? With what?" Twilight asked. She descended the rest of the stairs and walked up to me. "On a quest." I said soberly. "A quest? What kind of quest?" She asked, her expression growing more and more puzzled. "Hold up a sec, guys. I think we've got mail." Spike said, and with that, he belched out a letter in a puff of emerald fire.

Twilight grabbed the letter in the air and unfurled it. "It's from the princess." She said, and she began to read. As her eyes darted back and forth, they grew larger and larger until I thought they would fall out of her skull. Twilight finally finished reading and looked to me with an expression of wonder and confusion. "Uh...what's with the look?" I asked slowly. "The princess explained everything." She said, "The portals, the quest, and you…"

_What? Did the princess tell her I'm human?_

"So...you know that I'm…?" I started, "Human." Twilight finished for me, "Yes. I know." "So, you aren't freaked out?" I asked. "No, of course not. I've met humans before, they aren't bad." She said.

_Hm, I guess she never went to history class at Canterlot High. Humans are definitely _not _not bad. _

"Well, that's cool. So, here's the million bit question: Will you come with me?" I asked her. Twilight looked me right in the eye and said, "Of course I will!" Her face lit up, "It'll be an adventure and a learning experience!" I stared at her blankly. "Oh, awesome! So, you'll tell the others, right?" I asked. "Actually, I was gonna invite them all over later tonight, after your shift, and we can explain it to them." She said.

_That's not a bad idea…_

"Sounds like a plan. I'll see you at seven thirty tonight." I said and and left to continue my work.

After I had finished my shift and the sun was setting, I was counting my tips while on my way back to the library to give the other five mares the lowdown.

_I really hope they don't freak out, especially Fluttershy._ _What if Dash doesn't wanna come with me? That would _suck_. She probably will, though, she's an adventurous pony._

I turned the corner and saw the library.

_Welp, here we go._

I walked up to the door and knocked. Spike opened the door and said, "Good luck, bro." "Thanks, dude." I replied.

_I may need it._

"So Brony, Twi here says you have something important to tell us. What is it?" Rainbow Dash asked as soon as I got in the door.

_Oh, so I guess we're starting._

"Well everypony, take a seat. I have a _lot_ to tell you guys." I said. The six mares each sat down in a semicircle. "Ok, lemmie start at the beginning; I haven't been completely honest with you." I said.

_Should I say I was a human? Cuz I _was _born a pony, eh, I'm pretty human. I was raised human so that's what I am. The circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant..._ _Oh Celestia, I have no idea how they're gonna take this. _

"I'm a human." I said. There was a collective gasp, and then the questions began. "What?" "But I thought…" "How did you…" What's a human?" "Chillax you guys, I'm going to explain. Do you guys remember when Twilight went through that portal to get her crown back?" I asked. "Yes, of course." Rarity said, "How do y'all know about that?" Applejack countered.

_Dammit._

"I uh, Twilight told me." I responded. "Anyway, the world she went to, the world through the portal, that's _my _world. Or...kinda? I really don't have the full story either. It's complicated." I said, sighing. "Lemmie guess, you were born a pony but you had to go to the human world because your parents were in debt and then you got adopted and were raised in the human world but then you found a portal to this world and you came here." Pinkie said.

_Holy shit._

"You are...exactly correct." I said in awe. But here's the deal, everypony here has a human counterpart and vice-versa. Everypony except me. That's why Princess Celestia gave me a mission: I have to close all fourteen of the portals that link this world to the human world." I explained. "And why do you have to do that?" Dash asked. "Well, because humans have been wandering into this world." I said. "Is that bad?" Pinkie asked. "Very." I said, "When a human and their pony doppelganger meet, their brains melt from the shock." "Oh, that _is_ bad." Pinkie said as solemnly as Pinkie can say things. "So yeah, the thing is, the portals can only be closed from the human side, so I need to return to the human world to do it." I said. "Okay, what's yer point?" Applejack asked.

"My point _is_, I wanted to know if you guys would want to come with me." "I'm in." Rainbow said, almost immediately. "So am ah." Applejack said. "You already know I'm going." Twilight said. "Sounds like fun to me!" Pinkie said boisterously. "Oh, I suppose I couldn't turn down a vacation like that." Rarity said. "Fluttershy?" Twilight said, looking at her, "What about you?" "I don't know...it sounds a bit dangerous." Fluttershy said. "Dangerous? We took on an evil Princess, the god of chaos, and an evil king, I think we can handle a scavenger hunt." Rainbow Dash said. "Oh, I guess I can come with you. I just need someone to watch the critters." Fluttershy said. "And I need someone to watch Sweetie Belle." Rarity said. "And someone to take care of Tank." Rainbow said. "And Gummy!" Pinkie said. "And-" Applejack started, but I interrupted, "Yes, yes, I already figured everything out with Twilight. Twi, if you would." I said. "Yes. Fluttershy, Angel can hold down the fort at your place. Rarity, Sweetie Belle can stay with the Apples, same with Winoa, Gummy, and Tank." Twilight said. "Exactly, everything's sorted. We leave Saturday for Canterlot, the day after, we head through the portal." I said. "Alright, sounds good." Dash said.

Everyone began to get up, but Rarity turned towards me and asked, "Brony, if you don't mind my asking, are you...by any chance...a blank flank?"

_Celestia-dammit._

I sighed, "Yeah, I am. I just haven't found what I'm really good at in life yet." I said. "Oh, alright...I'm sure you'll figure it out soon enough." She said, "I just hadn't wanted to say anything." "I'm not embarrassed." I said. "Well that's good. There's no need to be ashamed of not having your cutie mark." Twilight said.

_Exactly._

"Alrighty then, so I can expect to see you all here Saturday morning? We're taking the seven am train." I said. "Seven am!?" Rarity exclaimed, "Does it _really _have to be _that_ early?" "Well, yeah, it does. The princess said so, at least." I said. "You can sleep on the train there." Fluttershy offered. "I suppose I could." Rarity conceded. "So we're all set?" I asked. Everypony answered in the affirmative and filed out the door, back to their respective homes. "I should probably get back home, I have work tomorrow." I said. "Ok, I'll see you later, Brony." Twilight said.

_That didn't hurt _too _much. Now I just have to prep everypony for being human._ _Cuz being human ain't easy._


	5. Final Steps

**Chapter 5: Final Steps**

I walked away from the library feeling pretty damn awesome.

_I just need to get through work tomorrow, and then it's off to Canterlot, and after that, the human world. Wooo!_

I continued on my way to Sugarcube Corner when a thought occurred to me.

_How the _fuck_ are we gonna find these portals? I mean, there's 14, all over the fucking world. Earth is a big place, how do we know where the portals are?_

I pondered this for the remainder of the trek back to the sweet shop I called home. I entered to find Mr. and Mrs. Cake clearing up for the night. "Hey guys." I said. "Hi, Brony." Mr. Cake replied, looking up from the table he was wiping. "Is it too late for a sundae?" I asked. "Of course not, hun. Comin' right up." Mrs. Cake said. "Thank you so much, Mrs. Cake." I helped Mr. Cake wipe the tables and put the chairs on the tables until Mrs. Cake came out with my frappe. I sipped it and said "Mmm, thanks again Mrs. Cake. Anyway, I'm gonna retire for the night, see you guys tomorrow." "G'night, Brony." Mr. Cake said.

I ascended the stairs and passed Pinkie's room, where I heard her singing her smile song. I started quietly singing along as I entered my room and dumped my satchel on the floor.

_I would pack, but I don't really have anything _to _pack. I was gonna pimp my room too, but I should probably save my cash for the human world. I wonder if bits become human currency when they go through a portal...and if so, what type of money? _

I sat on my bed and the springs squeaked under my weight.

_Man, those freaking portals need to be less mysterious. I really hope Celestia fills us in at the briefing on Saturday. I wish I had a book to read or something. I wonder if Daring Do is all it's cracked up to be? I could stop by the library while I'm working tomorrow and pick up the first book. Ok, I'm sick of thinking, I'm just gonna go to bed._

So I magicked the covers on top of me and fell asleep.

I woke up the next morning at dawn and climbed out of bed, grabbed my satchel, got a coffee from Mr. Cake, got my first set of deliveries from Mrs. Cake, and set off for the day. I performed my duties until about lunchtime, grabbed a sub at a sandwich shop, ate, and resumed where I left off. I finished my deliveries around seven pm and headed over to the library to see if I could grab the book. I knocked on the door and Spike let me in. "Sup, dude." I said. He nodded in response and I entered. Twilight was reading a book and occasionally jotting notes down on some parchment.

"Hey, Twi." I said. She looked up and said, "Oh hello, Brony. Can I help you with something?" "Yeah," I said, "could I borrow the first Daring Do book?" "Oh, I don't think that's a great idea, seeing as we're going to Canterlot tomorrow. I really don't want the book getting lost or anything, you understand right?" She asked.

_Damn, I didn't really think of that._

"Yeah that makes sense. I'd just heard some good stuff about them and figured I'd give them a try." I said. Twilight's eyes widened as if she'd had a thought. "Hey Brony?" She asked. "Yeah?" I replied. "The human world has books too, right?" She asked nervously.

_Typical Twilight._

"Of course it does, some of the best books in existence." I said pridefully. I may not have been born there, but I spent 14 years there. "What kinds of books?" She asked, sitting in an armchair. "All kinds, fiction, nonfiction, poetry, novels, encyclopedias, compendiums, and a bunch of other stuff." I said, with each word Twilight's eyes grew wider. "Really? Did you read when you were a human?" She asked, engrossed. "Hell yeah, I did! I loved reading, I still do." I said, sitting in a chair across from her. I heard Spike mutter something that sounded suspiciously like, "Nerds." and saw him go upstairs, presumably to bed. "What kind of books do you like best?" She asked. I thought for a second before saying, "Well, my favorite genre is fantasy, but I love sci-fi, biographies, poetry, and realistic fiction, too." "That's great, what's your favorite human book?" She asked.

_Hmmmm, I really dunno…ooh, I know- _

"The Fault in Our Stars, by John Green." I said with absolute certainty. "That sounds nice, what's it about?" She asked, her face showing nothing but curiosity. "Well…" I then launched into an hour-long explanation of the book, but I kept it spoiler-free in case she wanted to read it while we were human. "...and so it's really sad but also really beautiful." I concluded. "That sounds like a great book. I'll have to read it while we're in the human world." She said. "Yes, yes you will." I confirmed. "But, I don't know what your favorite book is." I said. "Ohmygosh, I have it right here." She said, magicking a book off the shelf and showing it to me. The title was _A History of Magic: From Conception to Current_. "That sounds pretty cool." I said. "It _is_." Twi responded, "It taught me so much about magic, I wouldn't be half as good at magic as I am if it wasn't for this book." She then gave me a brief summary of the book, but seeing as it was a brief summary of thousands of years of magic, it ended up not being very brief.

She finally finished after about an hour, but I didn't mind, it sounded super interesting. "Sounds cool, I'll make sure to give it a read sometime." I said. "Good. I'll keep it on reserve for you." She said. "Thanks, Twi. Anywho, I should probably get going. I'll bet you have packing to do." I said, glancing at the clock.

_11:43!? Time! Why you do dis?_

"Actually, I've already packed." She said, gesturing towards a saddlebag. "Oh. Well, it's pretty late, so I should probably head home." I said, moving for the door. "Oh, you could stay the night here, I have a spare bed and things." She said.

_That sounds like fun. Yeah, I think I'll do that._

"Alright, you convinced me." I said, smiling. I sent a note with Owlowiscious to the Cakes, telling them not to worry and that I'm staying with Twi and that I'm going on a trip for a while. Twilight and I both got into our (separate) beds, but neither of us could sleep so we ended up talking about Harry Potter and Daring Do and The Lord of The Rings and Pony Youth (a series about a club of blank flanks trying to get their cutie marks) and tons of other books until we both finally fell asleep at Celestia-knows-when.

I was awoken after what felt like seconds by Twilight gently nudging me and whispering, "Up and at 'em, Brony." "Guuuh...whaaa?" Were my first words of the day. "Exactly." She said, "So let's go. The train leaves in an hour." I regained my wits and said, "Oh, ok. I'm pretty much ready, so whenever you're ready, we can leave." "You don't want a shower or anything?" She asked.

_Well, I probably should. _

I'd showered at Sugarcube Corner, of course, but I was unsure about showering here. "Yeah, I guess." I said, "You can go first, I don't wanna use up all the hot water." "Alright, sounds good. I shouldn't be too long." She said. "Coolio." I said, and sat down in a nice easy chair adjacent to the guest bed. She exited the bathroom a few minutes later and I showered. It felt good to just let the water run down my sides and I just chilled in the water whilst I magicked the soap around in order to wash myself.

_Just another cool part of being a unicorn._

I finished washing and turned the water off. I dried my coat and mane with a towel that was on a shelf across from the tub.

_Welp, time to start the day._

I exited the bathroom with a towel wrapped around my torso.

_Force of habit, I guess._

Twilight was waiting by the door. "You all ready?" I asked. "Yep, I've triple-checked my list of preparations while you were showering. Everything is covered." She said, smiling. "Lovely." I said, magicking the towel over to the hamper in the corner while I walked over to join Twi at the front door. I magicked my saddlebags on and said, "Alrighty. Autobots, roll out." Twi gave me a weird look. "What?" I asked. "Nothing." She said, the hint of a smile on her lips.

_I wonder if she watched Transformers while she was researching humans on the computer. That'd be funny._

"Anyway, let's go, we've wasted enough time." She said, opening the door with magic. We then stepped out into Ponyville.

_It's so nice out._

The air was cool and crisp, you could tell it was fall. As we walked through the dawn to the train station, I looked around town. I knew quite a few of the townsponies from my deliveries, and they greeted me as they went about their business. We made it to the train station after a couple minutes. The sun was finally over the horizon and it cast a bright glow to everything. The other 5 mares in our party were grouped together on the platform, all with saddlebags.

We walked over to them and I picked up some of the conversation, "-ough it would be rude tuh overstep our boundaries." Applejack said. "But I won't have anything to weeeaaar!" Rarity complained. "I doubt we'll need clothes, we won't be going anywhere fancy." Dash said, "We have a job to do, and I don't think it'll include lazing around by the pool at a 5 star hotel, Rarity."

_Oh, shit. They won't be very used to the idea of always wearing clothes._

"Uh, actually, guys-" I started. "Oh, hey Brony." Dash said. "Hi hi hi, Brony!" Pinkie said enthusiastically. "Hello, darling." Rarity said. "Hey, guys. Anyway, I was gonna say; humans wear clothes all the time, not just for special occasions. So Rarity has a point" I said. "See?" Rarity said triumphantly, "We _do_ need clothes." "Well, I had clothes on when I came through the portal." Twilight said. "Yeah, but I think we'll be there for more than 3 days. We'll need a change of clothes or two." I responded. "True. But wait, the portal shouldn't be open, it hasn't been anywhere near 30 moons since I got back from the human world the last time." I considered this fact for a while and came to a conclusion, "I guess the portal just...opens _for _me." I said.

_Well, now I know that it's been less than 2 and a half years since her last adventure in the human world._

"That's very interesting." Fluttershy said. "And pretty cool." Dash added. "Yeah, I wonder if that has something to do with you not having a human double." Twilight said. "I dunno. But for right now, it's just useful." I said with finality. "Ah think ah hear the train." Applejack said, leaning out to better see if the train was approaching. "Yeah, here it comes." Rainbow Dash said. "Ok, everyone have their tickets?" Twilight asked. The others produced their tickets from their respective saddlebags. I magicked mine from my bag and Twi did the same. "Great!" She said. The train pulled up and let out a whistle. The conductor emerged, shouting, "All aboard who's coming aboard!" We boarded the train and took our seats in an empty car. The conductor come around to get our tickets. We all surrendered them and resumed our conversation.

"So, clothing." Rarity said in a businesslike way. "Well, clothing, food, shelter, everything really." I said, "We'll need money if we're gonna survive." "I'm sure Celestia has everything prepared for us." Twilight said.

_Man, the amount of faith she has in Celestia is insane. What if Celestia forgot about something, or miscalculated, or doesn't know something? Then what?_

We were all pretty tired from getting up so early, save Applejack, so we agreed to take a nap and that AJ would wake us up when we arrived. As excited as I was, I fell asleep pretty quickly, and I dreamed.

I was in a cold, dimly lit, small room. About 10 feet square. The walls were what looked like sheet metal. I looked down and was shocked, the floor was porcelain, but that wasn't the shock. The shock was that I had feet… and I was naked. I wasn't really embarrassed, though, there was no one there to see me so I just looked around. There was a heavy-looking metal door to my left, a metal chair in the center of the room, and a long, horizontal mirror in the wall opposite it.

_Oh, shit!_

I'd seen enough Law and Order to know what that mirror was. It was a one-way mirror, you can see through one side, but it looks like a mirror on the other. They're commonly used in interrogation rooms. I forgot my embarrassment and ran over to it and began banging on it. "I know you're out there!" I shouted, "I wanna know why I'm here! What do you want with me!?" After a minute of banging, I relented and sat down.

_What the _fuck_ am I doing here? _

Just then, I heard a click from the door, it was beginning to open! I stood and faced the door and saw a silhouette against the light pouring in. It was a person, they were tall and broad. "Brony!" It said. It sounded far away...and like Applejack. "Brony!" It repeated, and I jerked awake in the train car. The Mane 6 were stood around me. "Wha-?" I said groggily. "We're here." Dash said. I peered out and saw Canterlot Train Station. I woke up fully and said, "Great, let's go!"

_It was just a dream, this is the real deal._

We disembarked from the train and saw a group of royal guards standing to the side of the platform. As soon as we spotted them, they rushed over to us. There was one guard that seemed a bit different, though. He took his helmet off and my companions' faces lit up. "Big brother!" Twilight said, and glomped Shining Armor. He got up, laughing, "Hey kiddo, it's been a while. I haven't seen you since the Sunset Shimmer debacle." "I know, so much has happened, but we can start with my new friend." She moved aside so that Shining could see me. "An honor to meet you, Captain." I said to him, dipping my head lightly. "Chill with the formality, if you're a friend of Twily's, you're a friend of mine." "Cool," I walked up to him and held out my hoof. We brohoofed and I asked, "so what's with the escort?" "Just a precaution. You guys are on some pretty important business, so you get an escort. Speaking of important business, we should probably get moving. Don't wanna keep the princesses waiting, do ya?" He said. "Alright, let's get movin." I said. Shining started off and we followed, the guards moving around us.

_This is a bit weird. I'm not really used to having a friggin platoon of guards hanging around._

We continued toward the castle. The trip was mostly silent, even Pinkie was quiet. I was pretty sure everyone was deep in thought. I tried to admire the scenery but it's kinda tough to look around when you have a bunch of royal guards surrounding you. After what I thought was about half an hour, I was able to see the castle over the heads of the guards.

_We're almost there._

We made it to the steps leading in to the castle and the guards broke ranks, presumably returning to their posts. Shining Armor led us through the castle and I was finally able to appreciate the scenery. The walls were adorned with an endless amount of beautiful paintings, landscapes, portraits, and abstract works; ancient pony weapons, swords and spears, shields, and bows; and the bare walls were of fabulous marble. The floor was of the same marble but was hyper-polished. It was also covered in luxuriously soft carpets that I guessed were imported from Saddle Arabia.

As I gazed at the marvelous decor, the others talked amongst themselves whist we were being led to wherever we were headed. I tuned back into the conversation when I heard my name, "-at right, Brony?" Twilight said. "Huh? Sorry. I kind of zoned out." I said. "It's ok," Shining said, "Twily was just telling me how good you are at magic."

_What? But she kicked my plot in our duel._

"I'm ok, I guess." I said humbly. "Are you kiddin, that magic ya did when you and Twi had yer duel was fantastic!" Applejack said. "It was pretty good." Fluttershy agreed. "Well, thanks guys." I said, "I still can't top Twilight, though." "That's my sis for ya." Shining Armor said, pulling Twi into a hug.

_It sure is._

Shining Armor released his sister from the hug and said, "Alright guys, the throne room is right up ahead."

_Almost there… _

We turned the corner and saw the throne room, doors opened wide, just 10 yards away. However, I didn't see Tia or Luna.

_That's odd._

"Hey Armor, where are the princesses?" I asked. "They're probably in the war room." He replied.

_War room? That doesn't seem like the kind of thing you'd find in Equestria._

The rest of my party was unfazed by this remark, if anything, their faces darkened slightly before returning to normal before I could confirm it had happened.

_Ooookaaay then…_

We walked through the throne room, all of us gazing at the beautiful decoration, save Armor. We halted once we were about 10 feet from the throne and Shining Armor said, "This way." Beckoning to the left. We followed him down a small hallway (compared to the rest of the hallways in the castle) that branched off from the throne room to a wooden door. "It's in here." Shining Armor said, magicking the door open.

We entered a huge, rectangular room. The walls were covered in maps and charts and all manner of topographical and mathematical data. There was a large table in the center of the room with a 3D map of Equestria on it, and beside it, a map of Earth: the human world.

_Woah, this is _sick! _I am feeling this place._

Celestia and Luna were sitting at the far end of the table/map. "Thank you, Shining Armor. I expect Princess Cadence is waiting for you... in your room." Celestia said, smirking.

_AUGH! NO! Bad images, man. _

Apparently Luna agreed, "SISTER!" Princess Luna shouted in a reprimanding tone. "What?" Tia asked innocently. "I should think it inappropriate to imply such things in present company!" Luna said indignantly. "_You're _the one that construed it that way, dear sister." Celestia retorted, grinning.

_Pwned._

Luna's look was priceless: one of utter defeat. "Now that's settled. You called us here, Your Majesties?" I said, bowing. "Yes, greetings Brony, Twilight, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie." Luna said. "Now, I need you all to listen very carefully, because you need to remember all of this and there's quite a lot to it." Tia said.

_Oh great._

"Twi," I whispered. "Yeah?" She whispered back. "D'you know a transcription spell?" I asked. "In fact, I do. Great idea, Brony." She said, magicking a sheaf of parchment and a quill and inkwell to her. "Are you all ready to hear your mission?" Tia asked. Seven "Yes"s were heard so Celestia began speaking.

"As you know, there is a portal in this castle that leads to a parallel world inhabited by humans. Brony was brought to the human world and lived there for most of his life, so he has a great deal of knowledge concerning them. Twilight, of course, also has a grasp on the human world. Anywho, there are thirteen other portals scattered across our worlds. This may not seem to be of consequence, unless you know that people and ponies are wandering through these portals, meeting their parallel selves, and dropping dead. This is where you seven come in. Brony, as he has no human double, is able to close these portals, but only from the human side of them. Thusly, you must travel to the human world, seek the portals out, and close them. The mares of the group- apart from Twilight- remember not being permitted to accompany her on her venture to the other world. This is not because of some unbalance, but because I knew your doubles were at Canterlot High and it would be the utmost tragedy for one or all of you to die. Brony is also the key to using the portal here in the castle. For whatever reason, the portals open for him, regardless of whether it's their time to open or not. You have your mission, and I expect a report weekly. Brony, I shall attempt to enter your dreams each Saturday with Luna's aid and you shall give me a report of the week's developments. I am unsure if I'll be able to reach you, though. There is one more order of business, though. Money. You shall require food; drink; clothing, as humans always wear clothes; and shelter. I have asked Sunset Shimmer to give me the exact specifications of the currency that humans use and I developed a spell that transmutes one bit to one dollar. I have withdrawn 2 million bits from the royal bank and transmuted them, and asked Sunset Shimmer and your doppelgangers to attain what is called a 'debit card', which is money on a small card that you can deposit to and withdraw from at will.

_2 MILLION DOLLARS ON A DEBIT CARD!? I' M RICH! _

I hope this is an appropriate sum for your journey, Brony." I trembled a bit but managed to respond, "Yeah, that should be fine." "Excellent. You depart tomorrow. Princess Luna shall show you to your rooms, I must attend to some pressing matters." Celestia said.

"Come, my little ponies. This way." Luna said.


	6. Through the Looking Glass

**Chapter 6: Through the Looking Glass**

Luna escorted us to our rooms until we left the following morning. There was a room for each of us, all on the same hallway about three minute's walk from the mirror room. Luna said that we could roam freely until ten pm, at which we were to retire. "...for you have a big day on the morrow." She explained. "Alright. Thanks, Princess." I said, bowing. "It is no trouble. You are the ones going on the journey." She responded, before turning and walking off.

_She's damn right._

We all decided to check out our quarters and then meet back up. I opened the door to my room and stepped in.

_Woah. This place is nicer than Buckingham Palace! _

The room must've been fifteen yards wide by eight yards long, I judged as I stared around the room in wonder, everything screamed sophistication, from the murals of scenes from pony history on the walls to beautiful polished and stained wood furniture, to the extremely comfy-looking bed. I decided I'd appreciate the bed first, and galloped over to and leaped on it.

_OH MY CELESTIA. THIS IS THE MOST COMFORTABLE BED EVER!_

It was like laying on nothing, but having a super plush surface under you at the same time. As I pondered the paradoxical comfiness of my bed, I heard a knock on the door, "Brony! You unpacked yet? We're gonna go down to the kitchens to grab a bite to eat and then hang out in the game room. You wanna come with us?" Twilight asked through the door.

_What? How long have I been laying here?_

"Uh, yeah, one sec. I'll catch up!" I responded "Ok." Twilight said.

_Must've fallen into some sort of daze. What a bed. Wait, I still have my saddlebags on. _

I got out of my bed and magicked my saddlebags over to the dresser and laid them on top of it. I then exited my room as I saw a poofy, pink tail round the corner.

_Well, looks like I gotta catch up._

I cantered down the hall, rounded the corner, and saw the others walking and chatting. I caught up and said, "Hey, guys." "Hi Brony!" Pinkie said as she bounced along, "Hey Brony." Dash said, "Oh, hey Brony. All settled in?" Twilight asked. "Yeah. Those beds are _amazing_!" I said. "Oh yes, they are really nice. It's like sleeping with a big, fluffy grizzly bear." Fluttershy said. "A grizzly bear? I assume you sleep with grizzlies often, then?" I asked. "No, only a couple times, but it is very comfortable." Fluttershy replied.

_Ok then._

"So what's new with you, Dash?" I asked. "Nothin' much." She responded.

_Well, shows how good I am at making conversation._

Twilight interrupted the following awkward silence, "Anyway, we were just talking about the human world. I wasn't there for very long and I didn't learn that much from the Canterlot High library. We were hoping you could tell us about it." They all turned towards me, expectantly.

_What do they want me to tell them about? The internet? World War II? Buddhism? _

"What do you guys wanna know?" I asked. They all stopped walking and grouped together a few feet away. I waited for them and I could hear muffled whispering. After a moment or two they beckoned for me to follow and the continued on their way as I rejoined them. "We wanna hear a story." Rainbow Dash said. "About..?" I said. "Just a story yeh like from the human world." Applejack said.

_Well, I could do a summarized Harry Potter. Or maybe a nursery rhyme… Oh, I know, I could tell them a story from Greek mythology. I know quite a lot of those. _

"Ok, well this is a story that's been passed down from person to person for thousands and thousands of years. It's about a man by the name of Odysseus, and his journey home from war…" and so I recounted the Odyssey to the best of my memory.

We arrived at the kitchens, we took a break from the story to sample some of the food. The kitchen was really active, with ponies rushing to and fro preparing food. I had a sandwich and some hay fries. We finished eating and I returned to my story as we headed to the rec room. "And so Circe turned them all into pigs so then…" We arrived just as I was getting to Odysseus disembarking the ship.

_Goddamn this castle is big, I'm almost finished telling the Odyssey on the way from the bedchambers to the rec room. Granted I did condense it quite a bit, seeing as I can't remember the entirety of a 400-some-odd page book. _

"We're here, it's just around this corner." Twilight said. I heard Rarity give a moan of relief. Of course, my legs were tired as well. "Who wants to play me in hoofball?" Rainbow Dash asked.

_Hoofball? Is that football? And if so, is it American football or rest-of-the-world football?_

"How do you play?" I asked as we rounded the corner. "Well, you have a ball that you're trying to get into a net at either side of a field-" Dash started, but I cut her off, "Yeah, ok, I know what you're talking about. Humans play that, except it's called football...cuz we have feet. Ya'know?"

Twilight opened a door on our left and led us through into a massive room with every type of sports equipment you can think of, plus a few I bet you can't. There was your standard football (soccer for the less culturally aware Americans), golf, bowling, and foosball. But there was also some more interesting sports that I guessed were native to Equestria. There was one with a bunch of different sized weights and a set of scales, one that looked like chess, but the board was three dimensional, and levitating in the air.

_Woah, this is crazy. I want a rec room like this! _

"Who want's to play me in hoofball?" Dash asked. "I'm game!" I went over to the field while the others went off to do their own thing. "How about we play to five?" I proposed. "Sounds good." She agreed. "The ball's over on the south end. That'll be your end." She said. "Alrighty." I said, and I walked over to my side while Dash readied herself on her side. I magicked the ball over to centerfield and dropped it. We both retreated to the edges of the center circle and I stretched my legs.

_Don't wanna pull my hammies._

"Ready!?" Dash shouted.

_Hell yeah. _

"Yep! Let's do it!" I replied. "On my count, 3...2...1...GO!"

She yelled and took off towards the ball. I was ready, though. She may be a fast flier, but I'm an amazing runner. I ran towards the ball and just barely managed to get it in my possession and dribble out of Dash's way. "HEY!" She shouted in shock as I dribbled towards her goal, moving along the right side. I made it to the penalty box and quickly glanced behind me, she was about 6 yards away.

_Oh shit. _

I galloped towards the goal and shot about 2 yards from the goal box. The ball arced 4 feet off the ground and shot into the left corner of the net. _YES!_ "Ha! One-zip!" I called to Dash. She jogged up to me. "Nicely done." She said.

_She isn't even short of breath! _

I was already panting like a dog. Adrenaline only gets you so far. "Alright, let's continue." She said and jogged over to the ball and dribbled it to the goal line and booted the ball. It sailed straight across the field and into my goal. My mouth dropped open.

_Well, her human double did it in EQG, why shouldn't her pony self be able to do it?_

"One-one." She said with a smirk.

_Alrighty then._

I cantered over to my goal and She caught up quickly though, and slide tackled me and controlled the ball. She spun around and took off towards my goal. "OOF!" I grunted as I hit the ground.

_Hmf, she's in it to win it_. _Fine with me._

I got up and sprinted towards her, and caught up with some difficulty. She had made it back to the halfway line when I finally got to her and attempted to steal the ball. I crossed in front of her and she countercrossed to defend. I managed to nab the ball and spin around and start off towards her goal, but she got level with me and stole the ball back and kick it straight into my goal again. "One-two." She said, turning and smirking again.

_I don't know why, but that triumphant smirk is fucking sexy…_

Honestly, I just lapsed into complacency and let her score on me, just so I could see that hot smirk on her beautiful face. She moved so gracefully and played with such passion…

_She's really getting me going._

Now don't get me wrong, I put up a fight; but mostly, I just enjoyed watching her. We ended up playing way past 5, "One-twelve!" She shouted, shocking me out of my stupor.

_Oh, I guess she won._

"You're really good." I said. "Thanks." She said, walking over to me. "Good game, Rainbow." I said, holding my hoof out. She brohoofed me and we looked over to the other mares. Or at least, where the mares _used _to be. They were gone. "I guess they went back to their rooms." She said, smiling. I checked the clock on the far wall. "Well, it's kinda late anyway, we should probably head back to our rooms as well." I suggested.

"I think we should go back to _your_ room." Rainbow Dash said, grinning. "I saw you watching me. You didn't think I'd notice you barely trying?" She continued.

_Oops._

"Well, I guess you caught me. You just looked so _hot_ while you played, I just wanted to admire your beauty." I said, blushing. "Well that's pretty cool of you. So, my offer stands." She said seductively.

_This is gonna go well for me, isn't it?_

"I would love for you to accompany me to bed." I said, grinning right back. "Well, let us be off." She said. We traipsed through the halls in silence, our excitement barely containable, and eventually made our way back to my room.

"What a nice-looking bed you have, Brony Blast." She said. "Please, call me Zack." I requested, before closing my eyes and leaning in for a kiss. In a second I felt her lips on mine.

_Oh my Celestia this is amazing!_

Rainbow's lips were small and soft and felt heavenly on mine. I felt my stallionhood harden slightly as we kissed. We held the kiss for as long as we could before breaking apart. "Sounds good...Zack." We kissed again, but this time I felt Dash's tongue run across my bottom lip. I took the hint and widened the kiss. Our tongues immediately began wrestling for domination. Our tongues danced in eachother's mouths, swirling and exploring and I felt my boner grow.

_If I died right now, I wouldn't even mind…_

We broke the kiss after what seemed like an eternity. "Well, you're pretty good at kissing, aren't ya?" Rainbow asked silkily. "Let's _really _see how good you are with your tongue…" She said, walking over to the bed and standing on it.

_I'm dreaming._

I moved to the bed and climbed on, standing over her. Rainbow Dash was laying on her belly, muzzle in her front hooves. "Well, I can't do much when you're laying like that." I said. "You're right, I can't. I just wanted to admire your cock." She said with her sexy little smirk. "Well you'll have plenty of time for that later." I said smoothly. I then rolled Dash over onto her back. She let out a "Hey!" of shock, but relaxed as soon as I lowered myself over her, 69 style. My body inches from hers, I could fully admire her wet, pink marehood. Her scent enfolded me, putting me into a kind of trance. "Well," She said, licking my tip, "get on with it!"

_No need to tell me twice!_

And I plunged my muzzle into her luscious folds. I darted my tongue inside her and tasted her sweet juices. I heard her let out a moan of pleasure before hungrily taking my dick into her mouth. As I darted my tongue around her pussy, I grinded the tip of my muzzle against her clit, sending her moans up 2 octaves. She continued to suck my rock-hard stallionhood, her tongue wrapping around the head as she went. The combined sensation of tasting Rainbow's marehood and her mouth around my cock threatened to send me over the edge prematurely, but I managed to hold back. "Mmmmm...you're so _gooood_." She moaned. "You haven't seen anything yet." I said, and I pulled my dick from Rainbow's mouth, spun around, and hovered it over her cunt. "Oh yes! Give it to me!" She cried, passion dripping from her voice (and her pussy). "Give me one moment." I said, and I magicked open my saddlebags and fished out a box of condoms. I got one from the box and slid it on. I went over to the convenience store on the way to Twilight's the night before. "These are enchanted so that you can't even tell you have it on." I said. "Sounds good to me. Now fuck me, you idiot." She said.

"Yes, ma'am." I said before pushing my whole cock inside her. Rainbow screamed in pleasure and I started thrusting in and out of her tight pussy. "Oh… my… Celestia… Rainbow… you're… so… tight!" I said as I pounded her. "Oh YES...YES! Fuck me harder...HARDER!" She screamed. I laid my head against her chest as I thrusted, enjoying the feel of her soft fur against my face. I felt my euphoria welling up inside me, struggling for a release and Rainbow's moans did nothing to ease the pressure. I thrusted harder and harder, feeling myself move closer to the edge with each motion. "I'm almost there! C'mon, make me cum!" She screamed at me. "With pleasure!" I yelled back, pulling all the way out and ramming into her cunt with full force. "YESSSSS!" Rainbow Dash squealed, and I felt her folds contract and her juices rush over my cock. The pure bliss finally overcame me and I came inside her. My cum leaked out the edge of the condom and onto the bed and the bottom of Dash's marehood.

We both breathed a sigh of satisfaction as I pulled my relaxing stallionhood out of Rainbow's pussy and magicked the condom into the trash bin. "Well, you certainly know how to make a mare's day." Rainbow Dash said as we lay side-by-side. "You seem to know what you're doing yourself." I replied. "Well this obviously wasn't either of our first times." She said with a chuckle. _Well…_ "Actually, this was my first time. _You _were my first time." She seemed taken aback. "Really? You're a fucking natural, dude." She said. "Oh wow, thanks." I said. After a minute of laying in eachother's embrace, I broke the silence. "Soooo are you just gonna stay here or what?" I asked. "Why? Do you want me to leave?" She replied softly. "Not at all, I just don't really want anyone walking in on us sleeping together." I assured her. "Oh yeah, I guess you're right. Pinkie would never shut up about it." She said. So she got out of my bed and made her way to the door. "G'night." I said. "G'night." She said back, before leaving me to my thoughts.

_Damn. That was a good time. _

I slipped under the covers, magicked the lights out, and drifted off to sleep.

I was woken by a knock on the door. "Brony?" I heard Princess Luna's voice call. "Guhhhh…" I groaned. "Good, you're up. I was sent to tell you that it's time. Breakfast is in the dining hall, then you shall depart." She informed me. "Uuufkmmm." I said. "Excellent. Be in the dining hall in ten minutes." "Paaahhh." I replied. I dragged myself from under the covers and went to bathroom.

_Ugghhhhh, waking up _sucks_. _

I grabbed my saddlebag and magicked it on and left my room for the dining hall. Once I got there, I found that a grand feast had been laid out. I ate ravenously and joined the mane 6 in their conversation about the human world. Once we had eaten our fill, we walked to the Mirror Room together. We met the princesses in front of the portal. "Well, this is the beginning of your journey." Tia said soberly, "You know what you need to do." She gave me the 2 million dollar debit card; I stowed it deep in my saddlebags. "You must go, our worlds need you." Luna said. We said our "Goodbye"s to the princesses, and we stepped through the portal.


	7. A Strange Old World

**Chapter 7: A Strange Old World**

The second I hit the portal, it felt like I was being submerged in cold water. I had volunteered to go in first, so I had to test the water. I was at once surrounded by a swirling pattern of colors and a distant humming sound, like the sound of silence, but higher-pitched. Once my back hooves had crossed into the vortex, I felt my front half being tugged and stretched, the sensation rippling through me as I went deeper into the mirror. Finally, my whole body was in the vortex and every part of me was trying to separate itself from every other part. It wasn't painful, just really uncomfortable. After a second I could hear Rainbow's voice, "This is pretty weird, isn't it?"

_I guess she went in right after I did. _

Applejack's voice agreed, "Yeah, Ah reckon this is fer sure the strangest thing I've ever felt." I began to feel lightheaded and my body went limp.

_Oh Celestia! What's happening? _

I made a noise and heard Twilight behind me, "It's ok, Brony. It'll pass." And it did. All I had to do was pass out.

When I came to, I was looking up at a dark, night sky, although I could still see that the others were all stood around me. "So…" I said when my sense had returned, "...did I miss anything?" "Yeah, AJ and Rarity had sex and Twi read every book in this world." Rainbow said sarcastically. "Rainbow!" Rarity said scandalously. "When did that happen?" Pinkie asked. "It didn't, Pinkie. Rainbow was being facetious." Twilight answered. "Oh. Ok!" Pinkie said. Twilight added, "Although you did miss them being confused about their new bodies. I straightened them all out, though."

_Coolio, that's one thing I don't have to deal with._

I noticed that everyone looked pretty much how they did in EQG, except that they had human skin tones, which was pretty cool. AJ, Flutters, Pinkie and Dash were all white, but Rainbow and Applejack were both really tan. Rarity was black, and Twi was east Asian-looking.

_Well I'm glad there's _some_ racial diversity instead of weird yellow Flutters and blue RD._

Plus they all had different outfits on . I rose to my...feet-

_Yeah! I missed you, feet!_

-and looked around. We were in a big open field with large buildings bordering the field. I remembered back to a field trip in 7th grade.

_I remember this place…_

"Hey Brony, what's that?" Fluttershy asked, pointing behind me. I looked behind me and instantly, I knew where I was. "That...is the Washington Monument. We are in Washington D.C." I said flatly. Although I was freaking out on the inside.

_What!? Why aren't we at Philadelphia High? Is the D.C. one the real one? I am I even in the human world? Well, duh I'm in the human world. Maybe it's an alternate human world…_

"What's Washington D.C.?" Twilight asked, snapping me out of my panic. "Oh, D.C. is the capital city of the United States. I'm not gonna get into a geography lesson right now, but just remember, there's some pretty advanced technology compared to what you're used to." I explained "Ah think ah can handle it." Applejack said. "Really, Applejack? Because Twilight said that she was pretty confused when she saw a computer, and you aren't really the most savvy of the group." Rarity said, a bit of condescending in her voice. "Oh hush." AJ retorted. "Ladies, chillax. I'll be handling the human tech until I can get you all up to speed, ok?" I compromised. Everyone agreed, so I sat down on a wall and began thinking, my favorite activity. "Hey Bro-" Pinkie started, but Twi shushed her. "He's trying to think." She whispered. "Thank you." I muttered loud enough for them to hear.

_Well, first things first. Food, water, shelter._

"ALRIGHT!" I burst up. "Oh goodness, you startled me a bit." Fluttershy said, a bit shaken. "Oops, sorry. I didn't mean to." I apologized. "It's alright. So, what do we do, Brony?" She asked. Everyone looked expectantly at me.

_Oh jeez, I hate leading people. Alrighty…_

"Well, I know of a hotel not too far from here that we can chillax at and get our bearings." I said. "Sounds lovely, I would _love_ a warm bed." Rarity said. "Well you're gonna have to wait, because it's a half hour walk." I said, trying to hide a smile. Rainbow giggled a bit. "I'm pretty sure I know the way, just follow me." I said. "Alright girls, let's go." Twi said. And we set off.

About half an hour later, we arrived at the hotel. The others had been marveling at the buildings and lights and just the weird beauty of Washington D.C. (and I admit, so had I) so when I finally crossed the street to the hotel, it took them a second to realize that that was where we were going. I opened the door for them and held it until Rarity, who was trudging a bit behind the group, entered the hotel and breathed a sigh of relief, before inhaling in shock.

_Yeah, it's a pretty nice hotel. _

The floor had a bunch of expensive-looking rugs on it and there was a koi pond in the corner, a door that looked like it lead into a bar, nice floral wallpaper, green marble benches, the whole shebang. The other girls were awed as well, staring around in fascination. The guy at the front desk looked like someone took off and he was stuck with third shift. I walked up and said, "Hey, I'mma need a pretty decent-size room. At least 3 queen size beds." The concierge looked a bit stunned that a short little pale kid was saying this, but tapped some things into a computer. "You're in luck, kid. We have an unreserved vacancy. Room 604. Here's your key," He handed me a keycard, "and if I may ask, where are your parents?" "We're just kinda doing our own thing." I said. The concierge shrugged a bit and said, "Just don't cause any trouble, ok kid?" "Wouldn't dream of it, sir." I said.

I then walked back over to the girls, who were gazing at a fake pond with koi fish in it. "We have a room, let's go." I said. "But the fish are so beautiful." Fluttershy said. "Yeah, they're koi. Are there no koi in Equestria?" I asked. "I suppose not." She answered. "Well, let's get moving, I don't think Rarity is quite as enamored with them as you are." I said, glancing at Rarity, who was pouting a bit to the side. "Sounds delightful." She said. I led them to the elevator. I pressed the 'Up' button and we waited for the elevator to descend. "So Brony, what does that button do to those doors?" Twilight asked. "Oh, this is an elevator. It's pretty much a metal box that carries you up and down tall buildings. When you press the button, it tells the elevator to come to your floor so you can get on and ride it to wherever you're going." I explained. By the time I was done, the light lit up, a ding was heard, and the metallic doors opened.

We all entered the elevator. It was pretty spacious and not a squeeze at all. I stayed to the control panel. "So, our room is 604 so we're going to the 6th," I pressed the '6' button, "floor." The elevator began moving upwards and the sudden momentum startled the mane 6. "Chill, guys. Little kids love this thing." I said.

_Hell, I still love this thing._

"It's just a bit jarring, is all." Rarity said. The light lit, the ding dinged, and the doors opened to the 6th floor. "So we _did_ move." Applejack said. "Yeah, let's go to our room." I said. It was just a few steps down the hall. I slid the keycard into the mechanism, saw a green light, and the lock clicked open. I opened the door into our home for the night.

_Damn. This is a pretty kickass room._

The room looked like it took up half the floor, it was so big. We were only in a lounge area. There were 4 red, super-plush looking couches and a massive TV. There was a small office space with a desk, lamp and a laptop!

_Yeah!_

I ran over to the laptop, opened it, and powered it up immediately. "Is that a computer?" Twilight asked. "Wha-? Oh yeah...it is. You should know that the thing I missed most about this world was computers. I miss my laptop. But this'll do until I can get a new one." I said. "You guys can go find the bathroom and get washed up or something. Rarity probably wants to go to bed, and I can get the TV," Twilight gave me a look, "the box with the screen, running for ya." I said. "Ok." She agreed. She walked off to join the others, who were trying out the couches, and explained.

_Good. Now I need to prioritize. I need to know what day it is. _

I moused over the clock in the bottom-left, the date read: 10:38PM; 8th July, 2013.

_Awww. We missed the fireworks display... What a random time difference, not only is it the middle of the night when it was morning in Equestria, it's almost the opposite time of year. _

I went on Tumblr for a bit before I heard Applejack shout, "Ah think ah found the bathroom!" and Rarity scream, "Finally!" I followed the voices down a hall to the right, and saw a luxurious bathroom, with a hot tub, shower stall, full vanity mirror, and a gold fucking toilet.

_Gold shitter? Yes please._

I then noticed what I probably should've noticed before, the mane 6 stripping their clothes off with Twi's help.

_Oh God what have I gotten myself into now?_

I quickly shielded my eyes, well...maybe not _too_ quickly, and asked, "Hey, do you gals need any help figuring out the hot tub?" "Oh, we should be fine darling. The one at the spa looks just like this." Rarity answered. I had a temporary lapse of sense and uncovered my eyes and looked to where I heard her voice.

_Christ Rarity has some huge tits._

Was my only thought before recovering my eyes in embarrassment. Dash noticed me squeezing my eyes shut and asked, "What's the deal, Brony? You saw us naked all the time in Equestria." "Well yeah, but you were ponies. Now you're humans. Humans usually keep their bodies private." I said, a tad sheepishly. "But we're friends, it's ok." Fluttershy said. "I guess, but it just feels weird." I admitted. "Then stop being a scaredy-cat and open your eyes." Applejack said. So I did.

_Ok yeah, this is really weird and does not feel right._

_"Oh c'mon, Brony, you've seen naked girls before."_ A voice in my head said.

_Yeah, in porn._

I found that I could focus on their faces, which helped a bit. Of course, I snuck a few peeks. One of those peeks allowed me to answer an age-old question: Rainbow's carpet _does _match the drapes. "Well if you ladies don't need anything, I'm gonna go get the TV set up for us. Maybe order a movie. Just call me if you do need anything. Ok?" I said. "Thanks, Brony." Pinkie said, bouncing up and down (her boobs bouncing with her).

I went out to the lounge area and grabbed the remote off a coffee table and flipped the TV on. It was tuned to the national news. They were running a story about some kid running away from home in Virginia. "Ugh, the news always has to be tragedies, doesn't it?" I asked the empty room, and pulled up the channel guide.

_Nothing...nothing...nothing...Ooh, MLP's on. Wait, that may not go over too well...nothing...oh, fuck it. Let's see what kind of movies we can order. _

I looked up and down the menu before deciding on Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. I ordered it and paused it.

_I'll watch it with the girls once they're done washing. _

I then returned to my internetting, catching up on real news on tumblr and checking the weather for the next few days.

_Meh, we can hang out here for a while. I wanna do some sightseeing._

I heard the bathroom door open down the hall and the mane 6 chatting as they approached the lounge. What I didn't expect is for them to still be stark naked.

_Well. This is a problem I love having._

"I have a movie picked out for us to watch." I said, "It's a classic in this world." "What is it?" Pinkie asked. "Harry Potter. It's based on a book series." I answered. "Actually, lemmie see if we have any popcorn in the kitchenette." I mused before walking over to the mini kitchen. There was a small fridge stocked with bottled water, a coffee maker with tea and coffee, and a bowl of apples.

_Welp, no popcorn. And I'm in the mood for a Dr. Pepper…_

"Room service it is!" I shouted. "What?" Dash asked. "I'mma get some popcorn and some soda. Anybody want anything?" I said. They talked amongst themselves for a moment and Applejack answered, "No thanks. We're fine."

_Coolio._

I picked up the phone from the desk and dialed room service. "Yeah, can I get some popcorn and a six-pack of Dr. Pepper to room 604?" I ordered. The guy on the other end said, "Right away." and I hung up. "Food's on its way." I told the others. "Great!" Pinkie said. "Hey Rarity, while I'm up, d'you want some green tea?" I asked. "I would love a glass, thank you, dear." She answered.

_Good, cuz I'm in the mood for some tea as well. _

I brewed the tea and the guy showed up with our food. I made sure he didn't see inside the room and I joined the girls on the couch, each of us with a drink and some popcorn, and I turned on the movie.

"Wake up, dipshits." Rainbow Dash said, shaking my sleep from me. "Murnugh?" I asked before my tongue could wake up. "What?" Dash said, "Nevermind, just get up. We're hungry and the others said we couldn't leave you here while we went to eat." "Mmmmnf, fine." I groaned. "Let's go then!" Rainbow shouted. "Alright, alright. Calm your tits." I said. "Well I'm sorry if I don't have patient 'tits'." She retorted. "Fine. Let's just go eat." I conceded, going to the door and opening it. "Ladies first." I said, gesturing out the door. They all filed out before me, and I checked to make sure I had the key in my pocket before closing the door and following them down the hall to the elevator.

One magic box ride later, we walked through the lobby and into the adjoining restaurant. A hostess was at a podium in front. She smiled the fakest smile I've seen in my life and asked in an overly cheerful tone, "Party of seven?" "Party!?" Pinkie exclaimed. "Relax, Pinkie, it's just an diffrent way of referring to a group of people." Rarity said, catching herself toward the end. "Oh." Pinkie said, calming slightly. "Yeah, it's the seven of us." I answered the beaming woman. "Would you prefer a booth or a table?" The hostess asked, ignoring Pinkie's outburst. "Uh, booth please." I said. "Great!" She said, turning and beckoning for us to follow her. "Right this way, please." She continued. "I hope they have large portions; I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse." I said.

_Wait...GODDAMMIT._

I looked back over my shoulder at the Mane 6. They all wore expressions of confusion, disgust, and/or fear. "Oops. It's just a figure of speech in this world. Sorry if I freaked you out." I apologized. "It's alrigh'. That's a pretty odd figure of speech ya got in this world, though." Applejack said. "I guess." I said. "I've never really thought about it." I continued.

_Idioms are weird. _

"Here you are." The hostess said, interrupting my musing on idioms. We seated ourselves. I sat on the left side of the table with Dash to my left and Twi on my right, and Pinkie, Flutters, AJ, and Rarity opposite us in that order. She gave us all our menus and zipped away. "This restaurant isn't very busy." Fluttershy said, looking around. I glanced around as well. "You're right. Well that just means that our food won't take as long." I observed. "That's true." Twilight concurred.

A different, but equally cheerful woman appeared and asked asked, "What would you all like to drink?" "I'mma go with a cappuccino. Extra foam." I answered. "Same." Dash said. "I'll have a hot chocolate." Twilight replied. "I would like an iced mocha latte." Rarity responded. "Ah'd like some apple cider." Applejack said. "Do you have chocolate milk?" Pinkie asked. "Yes we do!" The waitress affirmed, matching the pitch of Pinkie's voice. "Yippie! I'll have that!" Pinkie said giddily. We all looked toward Fluttershy. "Oh, is it my turn? Um...may I please have a glass of orange juice?" She asked. "Of course!" The waitress said, turning and speeding off to get us our drinks.

"So what is our plan for today?" Rarity asked.

_Well fuck._

"Ehm. Well, I guess we can just kinda hang out and do whatever today. It's only the first day." I answered. "Excellent, because I want to do some shopping. Do you know of any boutiques in the area?" She inquired. The waitress came by and placed our drinks in front of us. "Are you ready to order?" She asked. "Not just yet." I answered her. The waitress smiled and left. I turned back to Rarity, "I wouldn't know. I'm not really as passionate about fashion as you are." I replied. "Are there any libraries around here?" Twi asked me. "Yeah, I think so." I responded. "I just wanna do something cool." Dash added. I thought for a moment.

_Hm, where can we go..? I don't really wanna split up and do our own things because something is bound to happen when I'm not there to help out. Ugh, I hate everything. Wait… got it._

I smiled and remembered back to 7th grade. "We're going to the mall. Sound good to everypony-er, everybody?" I asked the table of girls. "Sounds good tuh me." AJ said. "At least we aren't gonna be cooped up in that hotel room." Dash said. "As long as there is a clothing retailer." Rarity agreed. "I'd love to find a bookstore." Twilight said to no one in particular. "I hope there's a pet shop." Fluttershy said. "As long as there's gonna be fun, I'm in!" Pinkie said.

The waitress came by, she took our orders, we sat and waited, the girls asked me questions about D.C. and America and the human world, our food arrived, we stuffed our faces, I paid for the food (plus a generous tip), I popped over to the front desk and rented our room for another night, and we set off. "Brony, d'you know where you're going?" Applejack asked me as I stared around outside the hotel.

_Well..shit._

"Not really…" I said meekly. "Then we should probably get a map or something." Twilight suggested. "I like Twilight's idea. Getting lost wouldn't help us much." Fluttershy said.

_That's true. I bet they have tourist stuff in the lobby._

So I turned around and walked back in the hotel. "Yo." I called to the concierge, a middle-aged-looking woman with glasses and her blonde hair in a tight bun, as I made my way over to the front desk. "How can I help, sir?" she said, looking up from her terminal. "Yeah, do you have any maps or anything to that effect?" I asked her. She rummaged around in the desk for a second and pulled out a folded up map. "Here you are, young man." She said, handing it to me. "Thanks, ma'am." I said, taking it, stuffing it into my pocket, and going back outside to meet the others. They were in a circle talking, but Fluttershy saw me exiting the hotel and waved at me. The others broke apart and turned to me. "Did'ja get the map? Did'ja did'ja did'ja?" Pinkie asked, bouncing on the balls of her feet. "Yeah. I got it, Pinkie. Chillax." I said, placing my hand on the top of her head; or more accurately, her out-of-control pink mane; trying to still her. It was, of course, futile.

_Ugh. There really is no point in trying to control her. _

I pulled the map from my pocket, unfolded it, and looked over it. "Well, we're here," I said, pointing to the hotel (which was in the center of the map), "now we need to find the mall." The map was about a foot and a half square, so it took us a minute or two of scanning to find a building labeled _Mall_. It was Fluttershy who finally spotted it. "Oh, I think I may have found it…" She whispered. "What? Oh, fantastic!" I said, looking at the name of the mall. "We don't need the address, just the name of the building. Taxi drivers should be able to get us there without much trouble." I said. I checked the name of the building,

_The National Mall Mall. Har dee har har._

"I'm gonna call a cab. You ladies just hang out for a sec." I said. I walked over to the edge of the sidewalk and waved down the street. "TAXI!" I shouted at an approaching cab. The taxi slowed and rolled up. "This way, ladies." I said over my shoulder. I opened the door and Pinkie, AJ, and Dash climbed in, with Flutters trying to squeeze in but quickly giving up. "There's no way we're all fitting in there." Twi said. "I think we're gonna need another cab. For right now though," I turned to the cab driver; a portly guy with a round face, a stubble, and a Red Sox cap; and said, "Take them to The National Mall Mall." I handed him the debit card and said, "Just charge me fifty bucks, that should be plenty." He slid my card across a small terminal and handed it back. "Thanks kid." He said in a surprisingly soft and delicate voice. I turned back to the girls in the backseat, "Just chill and enjoy the ride. When he stops, get out and wait there. Can I trust you gals?" I asked. "Abso-lutely!" Pinkie said. "I got it under control." Rainbow said. "And Ah got _her_ under control." Applejack said, jabbing her thumb at Rainbow Dash. "Hey!" Dash exclaimed. "Get a move on buddy." I said to the cab driver. "Sure thing kid." He replied, pulling out into traffic. "Alright," I said to Fluttershy, Rarity, and Twilight, "let's get a cab of our own."


	8. Making Our Way Downtown

**Chapter 8: Making Our Way Downtown**

"So what now?" Fluttershy asked. "Now, we get a cab and go after them." I replied. I looked down the street for an unoccupied cab.

_Oh, so _now_ I can't find a cab, but when it was just the girls, they were fucking everywhere. _

We stood on the curb for a full five minutes while I tried to wave down a cab. "This is getting ridiculous." Rarity said. "I agree, but we can't walk to the mall in time to meet the others." I said. "You have a point there." Twilight agreed. "So what do we do?" Fluttershy asked. "We can take the subway. I think I saw a station on the way here last night." I offered. "What's a subway?" Twilight asked. "Oh, a subway is a train that runs underground." I explained. "Underground trains? How unconventional." Rarity mused. "Unconventional for you. Here in the human world, large cities use subway systems to make transportation easier. It makes tons of sense in cities with a large population density." I said. "That's pretty clever." Twilight said. "I sure think so. But we'd best get a move on if we wanna get to the mall today." I said. "Right, let's move." Twi agreed.

I led the way to the subway station. It was only about a ten minute walk, which was good, because my love for walking somewhat limited. We got to the station entrance and descended the stairs. I walked up to an open ticket vending machine. I was looking over the screen, figuring out how to get our tickets when Rarity piped up, "This is surprisingly clean for being underground." "Well yeah, it's maintained pretty well." I said, "One of the few non-wasteful uses of our tax dollars." I continued under my breath. "Sorry, what was that?" Fluttershy asked. "Nothing of consequence." I replied.

_Now, back to this machine… Okayyy, I'm going to the mall, which is on the yellow_ _line… I want the mall_ _stop. And I need four_ _tickets. I'm paying with a debit_ _card... aaaand there_.

Each thought was accompanied by a tap on the screen. I fished the card out of my jeans and swiped it. The machine spit out four cards and I distributed them amongst the three ladies and myself. "So these are our tickets?" Twilight asked. "Yeah, now we have to wait for our train." I said. "Wait? I despise waiting." Rarity said. "So do I, Rare; just roll with it." I advised. I used this time to contemplate the sheer absurdity of the past few days of my life.

_Last week, I was just some stupid kid. Now I'm standing in a subway station in Washington D.C. with Rarity, Twilight Sparkle, and Fluttershy. I certainly didn't see _that _coming. I wonder if Dash, AJ, and Pinkie are at the museum yet. I'll bet they are. I wish we had cell phones or something; that'd make life _much_ easier. I think I'll stop by a Radio Shack or something at the mall and get us some phones. I'll have to get prepaid ones, though. Meh, I'll figure it out when I get there._

_We're just gonna get what we need, and go find the first portal. But where the fuck _is_ the first portal? Well, let's think: Technically, the first portal is Washington Monument. So knowing that, what hypothesis can I form? The Washington Monument is in the U.S. capital city, and it's big, and recognizable…_ _The portal's a landmark? It's a landmark! So all we need to do is go to a bunch of national capitals, and we'll find the portals; piece of cake._

_Ok. Back to the here and now; The mall. I could stand a trip to Hot Topic. Some new pony shirts sounds like a good time….wait a second. Pony shirts. With the person standing next to me on them. Oh fuck me sideways and call me a whore, I need to tell them about the show. Fuck..._

Twilight nudged me, snapping me out of my mental crisis. "Brony, I'm pretty sure this one is us." She said, pointing to the train coming to a halt in front of us. "Wha-?" I said, still a bit confused after being inside my head. I looked at the board with the scrolling words on it, "Now boarding: Yellow Line. Stops are…" I saw the mall among them, but by that time, the train was getting ready to leave. "So Brony, is this ours or wh-ah!" Rarity exclaimed as I pulled her and Twi by the arms after me onto the train. Fluttershy glanced up from examining her feet and squeaked in shock. "Wait for me!" She cried, rushing after us and slipping through the now-closing doors. "Yeah, this is us." I answered a disgruntled Rarity."Well thank you for the warning." She muttered. "Well we're on the train, aren't we? Now let's sit down." I said.

For whatever reason, our car was mostly empty; even so, we still sat next to eachother near the door. I sat between Rarity and Fluttershy, with Twilight between Flutters and the door. We were silent for most of the way. All of us absorbed in our own thoughts. I was mulling over how we we're going to go about our globetrotting quest.

_Well, we could close the D.C. portal first and move on through the other 13… _

I was again confronted by the one major problem in the mission as a whole.

_But what do I do after the 14th portal is closed? If they have to be closed from the human side, how am I gonna get back to Equestria?_ _And how the _fuck_ am I going to tell them about the show!?_

"Arriving at next stop: National Mall Mall." I jumped a little when I heard the automated voice say through the speaker in the car. "Alright everyone. We all good?" I asked, getting up as the train pulled into the station. "I'm fine, thank you." Rarity replied. Fluttershy nodded. "Twi?" I said, crouching down. She was staring into the distance. "We're almost at our stop. C'mon." I said. Twilight's eyes focused and looked over to me. "Yeah sorry. I was thinking." She said, standing up. I stood back up as well. "I can tell." I said with a small chuckle. "But I know what you mean." I continued.

The doors opened and we exited the train. We then ascended the stairs from the underground station back into the city. We all had to squint against the light for a moment before our eyes adjusted. Once I could see, though. I noticed the massive building across the street. It took up the entire city block, it's walls were made of a dark marble-looking type deal, and it had giant windows over the glass doors. "That looks like the place." I said. Twilight nodded in agreement. We all crossed the busy street, weaving between the gridlocked cars. A cavalcade of horns assaulted our ears, but we managed to get to the other sidewalk with only minimal auditory injury.

Once we were safely across, we were able to pick out a certain, rainbow-haired, girl. "Hey girls!" I called as we walked over to them. "HEY!" Pinkie squealed, sprinting over to us and pulling all four of us into a bear hug. "Oof. Pinkie dear, please let us go; you're squeezing too hard." Rarity choked out. "Oopsies! Sorry." Pinkie Pie apologized, releasing her grip and letting us fall to the ground. I got up, dusted myself off, and walked over to Dash. "Hey Rainbow Dash. Ya doin' alright?" I said, holding a fist out. Dash smiled and went in for the brohoof, but changed direction at the last moment punched me in the gut. "Ow! What the hell?" I asked indignantly, doubled over, clutching my stomach. "Making me wait for this-." She said; and in one smooth motion she pulled my face up to hers and kissed me deeply. "Mm!?" I exclaimed, muffled by the kiss. She pulled away and grinned. "Well. That was unexpected." I said, still in shock. "Well don't get used to it, you're gonna have to work for it from now on." She said, a mixture of coyness and seriousness in her voice. "So, we're a thing now?" I asked. "Of course we are, you idiot. I did some thinking while you four were off having a gangbang or whatever it is you were doing; and I decided that we're going out now." She said matter-of-factly. "Alright. I'm down with that." I said, smiling at her. "Good." She said, kissing me again. "I thought I had to work for it." I said. "You did." She said. "What? How?" I asked, confused. "This." She said, aiming another punch at my gut. I side-stepped and pecked her on the cheek. "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me." I whispered into her ear. "You fucking smartass." She said with a smile. "That's me." I replied, grinning back. "Yeah, Ah'm sure y'all are having a great time, but can we move this along?" Applejack said impatiently. "Oh yeah, sorry about that. Allons-y!" I shouted, and walked into the mall; the girls followed me.

Once inside, we were greeted by the most stores I'd ever seen in one place. "Alright ladies, this is your official introduction to capitalism." I said sarcastically. The mane six all wore faces of confusion except Twilight, who just rolled her eyes. "Oh c'mon, Twi! That was at least a _little _funny." I defended myself. She then gave me the most condescending look I've ever received. "Oh, I see how it is." I said, pouting exaggeratedly. "AAAAaaaaanyway, let's check out the directory and figure out what's up." I said, pointing to a map printed on a display a few yards away. I went over to and examined the map.

_Ok, I'm here, and electronics are over here, and we need clothes, so that's over there… and when am I gonna grow a pair and tell them!?_

I stood there thinking about it for a solid minute before Applejack put her hand on my shoulder and said, "Brony, yer sure takin an awful long time there." I looked up. "Yeah, I'm not good with malls." I said. "But I'm pretty sure I've got it figured out, and if not, we can always ask someone. D.C. people are pretty cool. Anywho, we're going to electronics first, so we can get cell phones and I can pick up a laptop." I said. "Why not clothing first?" Rarity asked. "Because I despise shopping for clothing." I said bluntly. "If we find a Hot Topic, I'll have a field day, but until then, if something catches your fancy, tell me and we can check it out; but not until I get a new lappy." I said. "'Lappy'?" Rainbow Dash remarked. "Hush, Dash. You have no idea how it feels to be internet-less for a week." I said. "Actually, I know how it feels to be internet-less for fifteen years." She shot back.

_Hm. I probably could've thought that out better…_

"We you didn't have it, and thusly are unaware of its wonders." I retorted. "Well ma-" Dash started, but Applejack cut her off, "Y'all can stop now. It don't matter, let's jus get what we need." "Speaking of needs, we need balloons!" Pinkie said. "Why in Equestria-" Rarity said, "on Earth" I corrected, "Yes, yes. Why _on Earth_ would we need balloons?" Rarity asked. "I dunno, maybe we'll wanna have a balloon party!" She answered. "I just wanna see the critters in the pet shop." Fluttershy said, pointing to "Pete's Pets" on the directory.

"OK! We can do all that stuff, but can we _please_ get the stuff that I need first?" I asked. "That's kind of a selfish thing to say." Twilight said. "Yeah, calm down, Brony." Rainbow agreed.

_Ugh, now I'm being a douche. I need to stop being so bad at talking to people._

"Yeah, sorry guys. I didn't sleep a whole lot last night. But the thing is, I wanna get cell phones so we can talk to eachother." I explained. "What do you mean? We can talk already." Fluttershy said. "Yeah, but cell phones allow you to talk to someone from really far away. It turns your voice into waves of energy that it shoots into the phone of the person you're talking to, and that phone turns the energy back into sound. It's actually pretty cool; case in point, we need cell phones so we can stay in touch no matter how far away from eachother we are." I said. "Oh, that makes sense." Twilight said.

_You need to think! How do you tell them? _

Suddenly, I figured it out. "Good. Hey, is anyone else thirsty?" I asked.

_I sure hope this goes over well..._

"Yeah, we had to wait out there for ages for y'all's slow rears to get here. I'm parched as a pig in a pie." Applejack said. "And just how parched is a pig in a pie?" Rarity asked sarcastically. "Very." Applejack answered, rolling her eyes. "I'm a bit thirsty, too." Fluttershy added. "Ok, let's head to to Starbucks first, and then we can grab cell phones." I said. "And Starbucks is..?" Twilight asked. "A cafè. Overpriced, but tasty." I said. "That sounds lovely. Let's be off." Rarity said. "Cool. This way." I said, waving my hand and walking off towards the coffee shop.

It didn't take long to get to the food court and find the Starbucks. It was actually pretty cozy. Warm, light, and smelled like cocoa. By some gypsy magic, the line didn't stretch out of the door. We all ordered drinks and sat down.

_Ok, Zack. The time is now. You have to tell them._

"So…I actually have something to tell you girls." I said nervously. I could feel sweat forming and my heart was beating irregularly.

_This is gonna be easy. Just tell them that they're in a TV show._

"Yes, what is it?" Rarity asked. "Well, it's kinda...hard to put...into words." I muttered. "C'mon sugarcube. You can tell us." Applejack reassured me. "Uh, it's kinda weird…" I said. "Celestia dammit! You're gay, aren't you?" Rainbow Dash exclaimed. Some heads turned toward us but looked away after a second. "No! No of course not!" I said.

_Now or never…_

I started to say it, but Pinkie interjected, "There's a thing in this world that people can watch moving pictures on and there's one moving picture show that you watch and it's about ponies who live in Equestria and learn about the magic of friendship and the show has a bunch of grown up fans who like it even though it's mostly for young girls." She said, without even taking a breath. AJ, Dash, Flutters, Rarity, and Twi all looked at her incredulously. "Right Brony?" Pinkie asked, beaming. I just sat there and stared at the pink-haired girl for a few moments. "...Yeah. That's exactly right… How did you know that?" I asked. "Just a hunch." She said.

_Well… that saved some time._

"That can't be right. That's impossible...physically impossible…" Twilight said. "It's very possible. I've been watching the story of your life in Ponyville since you moved there." I said. "Sorry I didn't tell you girls sooner, I just didn't know a good way to do it." I said apologetically. " "And _this _was a good way to tell us?" Dash asked. "Well, I kinda realized that there wasn't a good way to tell you." I answered. "Ok, I want proof." Twi said. "I can do that." I confirmed. I looked around the cafè, searching for that one guy. I spotted my target by the door. "Hey." I called to the man. He was a typical twenty-something guy. Tall, brown hair, stubble. But what I wanted was the laptop on the table in front of him. "What's up?" He replied. "Can I borrow your laptop for a sec? I wanna show my friends a video I found." I asked. "Sure dude, just don't jack anything up. I'm working on a paper for class." He said. "I won't mess with anything." I assured him. "Cool. Here ya go." He said, getting up and handing the netbook off to me. "Thanks, it'll only be a moment." I said. I opened the laptop and went on Youtube.

I searched _MLP ep 1_ and hit enter. "So is this it? This is the picture box?" Fluttershy asked. "Sort of." I said, clicking on the video of the season one premiere. An ad for 5-Hour Energy started playing. "Goddamn ads." I muttered under my breath. I clicked the _Skip Ad_ button as soon as it appeared. The video started and I skipped to the battle with Nightmare Moon. I fullscreened the video and turned it so that the six girls could see. It showed the face of Nightmare Moon. "You still don't have the sixth Element! The spark didn't work!" Nightmare Moon's voice said through the speakers. It jump cutted to Twilight. Real Twilight gasped slightly. Pony Twilight said, "But it did! A different kind of spark. I felt it the very moment I realized how happy I was to hear you, to see you, how much I cared about you. The spark ignited inside me when I realized that you all… _are my friends_." Real Twilight mouthed alongside her digital counterpart.

The girls stared at the screen, mesmerized. They watched the pony mane 6 rise into the air in a shining light, the Elements of Harmony activate, the rainbow beam swirl around Nightmare Moon, Twilight open her eyes to reveal only shining light where her violet irises would be, and the rainbow release the now-restored Princess Luna. I stopped the video there and closed the browser out. I handed the laptop back to its owner and sat back down with my six companions. "So…" I said awkwardly. I looked around the table at each of the six stunned faces.

_They may need a moment._

I took a sip of my coffee.

_Yeah, they'll need a moment._


	9. As One Door Closes

**Chapter 9: As One Door Closes...**

A solid minute passed before anyone spoke. I just sat there drinking my coffee and waiting patiently. Finally, Applejack said, "Well, it seems tuh me that we have two options right now. We can all sit here with our mouths open like fish outta water; or we can accept that this is a sure thing and do what we need tuh do anyway." I nodded and looked around. Pinkie just smiled and gulped her coffee (I got her decaf as a precaution). Rainbow Dash was the next to come to her senses. "Well, I guess we just gotta roll with it." She said. "That seems like a good idea to me." Fluttershy said quietly next to her.

"I simply can't wrap my head around it. How would it even be possible for our lives to be displayed on that device in this world?" Rarity asked. "Well, I kinda thought that you were all works of fiction until I found the portal that took me to Equestria. To this world, you're just pictures on a screen. I personally want to know how Equestria even came into existence, and how portals between our worlds are possible. But I can't get those answers right now, just like I can't give you any answers, Rare. Sorry; but like Dash said, for now we just have to roll with it." I said. Rarity let out a 'hmf' of indignation, but remained otherwise silent. We all looked to Twilight; she was simply staring into space, eyes unfocused. "Twilight?" Applejack said. Twi snapped out of her stupor, "What? Sorry, just thinking. I can't quite understand how this all works, but we have things to do. Let's just do what needs to be done, then we can try to figure all this out." She decided. "Good. Now let's get outta here." Applejack said. "Why can't we finish our coffee first?" Rarity asked. "Fine, y'all can finish your coffee. _Then _we can go." Applejack conceded. So we all chugged our coffee and set off.

It took a while to navigate the seemingly endless network of stores and stalls and vendors, but we made it to the Samsung store without _too _much of a struggle. "What _is _all this stuff, Brony?" Twilight asked as we browsed the store. "Technology!" I said enthusiastically. "That doesn't answer my question." Twilight said flatly. "Well, I'm not really sure how to explain it. To ridiculously oversimplify, it's all stuff that makes life easier. I can explain in detail later." I said. "Ok, so we're here for shell phones, right Brony?" Pinkie asked. "No, _cell _phones. Cell being short for cellular, small. Like I said, they're communication devices that you can carry with you." I answered. "Oh, okie dokie lokie." Pinkie said. "You guys can take a look around, I can get the stuff we need." I said, going over to the front desk.

There were two people at the counter. One was a hipster-looking dude with dirty blonde hair and a bunch of acne scars; he was talking to an older woman about Wi-Fi or whatever. The other was a guy that looked like he was in his thrty's with really short, curly hair, an earring in one ear, and a stubble. I walked over to the guy. I noticed his nametag, his name was Robert. "Yo Rob, I need a laptop." I said. He looked up from the computer he had been staring at and asked, "What're you looking to get, kid?" "Just something light with a decent bit of RAM." I answered. "Alright, follow me." He said, stepping out from behind the counter and leading me to a table with a bunch of laptops on it. It took me a solid half hour to pick out a lappy I was content with, but I managed to snag a Series 7 Chronos. I picked up some prepaid cell phones for the ladies and I- plus enough minutes, texts, and data to last us a few months- easy. By then the girls had resorted to just sitting on the floor moaning about how long I was taking.

_I wonder if this is like when I had to wait for my mom while she was shopping for clothes..? Well, my adopted mom, I suppose…_

I felt a pang of sadness at the thought that the woman that raised me wasn't my real mom. The idea occurred to me to go out and search for my real mom's human double.

_No, there's no time. I can leave the journey of self-discovery for later. _

I pushed the thought to the back of my mind and refocused on reality; trying to get Twilight Sparkle to stop playing with the touchscreen laptops.

_Sometimes reality really _is _stranger than fiction, I suppose._

"Girls, we can go now." I announced. "We're leaving?" Rarity asked. "Yeah, let's roll out." I called. We exited the store. "You wanna go sit down and chillax while I get these phones configured?" I asked. "Yeah, we can do that." Twilight agreed. "Sounds good." RD said. "Ah don't see a problem with it." AJ said. "Actually, I wanted to browse the boutique over there." Rarity said, pointing to a store with a bunch of mannequins in the windows. "And I wanted to go to the candy store over there!" Pinkie said, grabbing my head and pointing it towards a sweet shop. "Pinkie, let go." I said. "Oh yeah, sorry." She said. "And um...I wanted to go to the pet shop back there. But only if that's okay with all of you." Fluttershy whispered.

_Hm. I guess we could do some independent shopping._

"How about this," I said, "I'll hit an ATM, get us each a couple hundred bucks, and we can all meet at the food court in an hour? Sound good?" They were into it, so I went to a very conveniently located ATM across from the Samsung that we were just in.

_$200 each should do it._

I grabbed the cash and distributed it amongst us. "Like I said, one hour. We all know how to get to the food court? And where to get the time?" I asked.

_Oh God. Dad level: over 9,000._

"Yes, Brony. We aren't fillies." Rainbow said. "Kids." I corrected. "Shut up." She said with a grin. "Pass." I said, matching her smile. "See y'all later." Applejack said, and she walked off. "I'm going to see if I can find a bookstore." Twilight said, and she sped off. "See you in an hour!" Pinkie said, bouncing off to the candy shop. "I guess I'll be off." Fluttershy said, practically sprinting towards the pet shop. "Boutique?" Dash asked as Rarity walked away. "Of course, darling. Care to accompany me?" Rarity offered. "No thanks." Dash said while shaking her head vigorously. "Your loss." She called. "Where are you headed?" I asked RD. "Dunno. You got sports retailers around here?" She asked. "Yeah, there should be a Dick's around here somewhere…" I answered, looking around. I heard Rainbow stifling laughter. "You alright, Dash?" I asked. "Pff...hahahah! _Dicks_!" She shouted in laughter. A couple people glanced toward us, but looked away after seeing that we were stupid teenagers. "Dude, calm down. It's the name of the store. No need to go twelve year old mode." I said. I just stood there as her laughing died down. "You done?" I asked. "Heh heh...yeah…I'm good." She said between giggles. "Alright. But yeah, the main sports store around here is Dick's." I said, "Honestly, I'm not really into sports. So if you wanna go check out some sporting retailers, be my guest; but I'm gonna be over at Hot Topic." "I thought you liked sports. We played hoofball the other night." She said, omitting what happened after our game. "Well yeah, but I was a pony. My pony form is quite a lot more athletic than I am. Now don't get me wrong, football's fun, but I would be even less of a match than I was in Equestria." I explained. "Alright, well I guess I'll see ya in sixty minutes." She said, walking off to the directory.

_Welp, off to the Hottest of Topics. See if I can get myself some pony swag._

An hour had passed and I was standing in the food court with Twilight, Rainbow, AJ, and Fluttershy. "I really wish Rarity and Pinks would hurry up, I'm ready to get some food." Rainbow Dash said impatiently. "Rainbow, we just ate three hours ago!" Applejack said. "Yeah, and I'm hungry now." Dash replied. AJ sighed. "I dunno, I could go for some Panda Express." I said.

_I am a little bit hungry. Maybe I'll grab some lo mein…_

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a flash of pink. "Incoming, everyone." I announced. Twilght looked at me quizzically, "What do you me-" "HI-EVERYONE-I-MISSED-YOU-BUT-I-WAS-AT-THE-CANDY-STORE-AND-THERE-WAS-SO-MUCH-CANDY-AND-I-BOUGHT-LOTS-AND-LOTS-OF-IT-BUT-I-ATE-IT-ALL-ON-THE-WAY-HERE!" Pinkie bursted out.

_Oh fuck me, Pinkie's loaded up on sugar._

"Pinkie...maybe you should sit down…" Twilight said cautiously. "BUT-I-CAN'T-SIT-DOWN-I'M-TOO-HAPPY-TO-SEE-YOU-ALL!" She squealed. "Okaaay…" Twilight said.

_Maybe I could ask her to run a few laps around the mall._

"Anywho, once Rarity gets here I can give you gals the lowdown on our cellular communication devices." I said. "OKIE-DOKIE-LOKIE!" Pinkie said. "So ya finally decided tuh show up." Applejack said as Rarity walked towards us, AJ's face displaying quite a bit of irritation. "Well I am sorry if I need a while to admire the fashion of this world." Rarity defended herself. "Yeah, whatever, let's just get your phones sorted." I said. "Oh yeah, those things. It's totally weird, almost all of the humans here never seem to look up from them." Rainbow said. "Ah saw that too. Some of em even bumped into other people and didn't even look up." Applejack concurred. "Yeah, that's kind of a thing around here." I said, "We humans are quite fond of our gadgets. Speaking of which, I have your phones right here."

I gave them a crash course on what each button does and how to do things and blah de blah, then I suggested that we head back to the portal/Washington Monument. "Yeah, I just wanted to look around and such. Maybe try to close it." I said. "That sounds like a marvelous idea." Rarity said. "Yeah, sounds cool. We can finally get this whole mission thing going." Dash added. "I presume you have some sort of plan for our next move, Brony?" Twilight asked. "Surprisingly enough, I do." I replied. "Well I'm sure we'd all like to hear it." Fluttershy said. "Well I figure since the portal we came through is a major landmark in the capital of the United States, we should check major landmarks in the capitals of other countries." I explained. "I suppose that's as good a plan as any." Twilight said. "Alright, let's hit the trail!" Applejack said. "WHEE! THIS-IS-GONNA-BE-FUN!" Pinkie squealed. I jumped out of surprise.

_Celestia, I almost forgot she was there._

A less complicated subway ride later, we were at the monument. "It looks much more grand in the daylight." Rarity remarked. "Rare, we aren't tourists right now. We're trying to figure out how to close the portal." Rainbow Dash said. I was sitting next to Twilight, thinking.

_Celestia said she gave me the spell to close the portal. How am I supposed to use magic in this world? It doesn't make sense... _

I assumed Twi was having a similar dialogue with herself. I got up and began to pace.

_Ok, what do I know?_

_Well, the portal is open, and there's a spell to close it. Celestia gave me that spell...so I should still have the spell..._

I snapped my fingers and grinned. "I have an idea." "What is it Brony?" Twilight asked. "I'm gonna do something stupid, what else?" I said. I stood up and faced the memorial. "That didn't quite answer Twi's question, Brony..." Applejack said. "Just chillax ladies. It'll be fine." I said. I closed my eyes, concentrating like I was about to use a spell. "Brony! Your hand is glowing!" Pinkie burst out.

_All according to plan..._

I raised my hand and pointed it at the monument with my palm open. I felt a rush of power flow from everywhere in my body to my palm. "What's happening?" Fluttershy asked nervously. "Ah think he's tryin tuh use magic..." Applejack answered.

_This is the tricky part... Just gotta...gently...release..._

I allowed the energy to escape from my hand. A bolt of light shot from my hand and plunged into the stone. The monument rippled where the spell hit it, and then...nothing. No one around us noticed.

"Well that was anticlimactic." Twilight said. "F'real. But let's see if it worked." I said. I walked over to the obelisk and poked it. "Feels more like rock than portal." I announced. "Really? Lemmie see." Dash came up next to me and pushed her hand against the monument. "Nothin'." She confirmed. "Thanks for taking my word for it babe." I said. She kissed my cheek. "No problem."

"Oooh, tappy hoof." Pinkie said, tapping her foot. "Pinkie? Are you talking about your Pinkie sense?" Rarity asked. "Uh-huh. I can feel it clear as seltzer." Pinkie Pie replied. "Well what does this one mean?" Twilight asked with a tiny note of exasperation in her voice. "Tappy hoof-" "Foot." I corrected. "-means that someone's looking for us." Pinkie explained. "Well what in the hay is that supposed to mean?" Applejack asked. I heard police sirens in the distance. "What is that awful ruckus?" Rarity asked. "Those are police sirens." I replied.

_Wait just a goddamned minute..._

My instincts kicked in. "I have a bad feeling about this..." I said, glancing around. "Why's that, Brony? It's only the police." Twilight said. "Let's call it a hunch, then. But I wanna get the fuck outta here." I said, walk-running away from the increasingly loud sound of sirens. "I say we indulge Brony in his paranoia. Better safe than sorry, as it were." Rarity said. "Safe from what?" Rainbow asked. "I dunno, Dash. But I really am not digging this situation." I replied. "Personally I think-" Twilight began, "Look girls, can we talk about this later? At the hotel, maybe?" I pleaded. "Fine. Let's go." Twilight conceded.

A short speedwalk later we were back in our room and I was on my laptop. The Mane 6 had gotten the hang of the TV and were channel surfing. Rainbow Dash walked up behind me and rested her arms on my shoulders. "What'cha looking at?" She asked. "Well, I came to the conclusion that the portals are probably famous landmarks, so I'm looking at flight information." I explained. "Ooh, where are we going next?" She asked. "Pardon me ladies, but could I have you come here for a moment?" I requested. They all crowded around the desk and I addressed them, "So we have two destination options after we leave the US. We can go to Great Britain or Brazil." "What are those places like?" Fluttershy asked. "Well, I'll show you." I said. I then pulled up some tourism sites and clicked around a bit.

After we were done I said, "Now that you're informed, let's vote on where to go." "I think this Great Britain sounds just delightful." Rarity said. "I agree." Twilight said. "Well I wanna go to Britain." I said. "Ah think Bruhzeel sounds good." Applejack said. "I'm with AJ." Dash said. "Well...I think Great Britain looks nice." Fluttershy whispered. "And there it is. Looks like we're going to England." I said with finality. "Wait, what's England?" Rainbow asked. I sighed, "England is in Great Britain and also in the United Kingdom, that's all you need to know. Now let's watch some TV." I said, walking over to the couch and plopping down.


	10. Another One Opens

**Chapter 10: ...Another One Opens**

We watched some Doctor Who for a couple hours- "He looks like that stallion that comes to the Boutique for ties. Time Turner, I believe his name is." Rarity noted.- and suddenly it was 10pm. "Alright, I'mma go book us some plane tickets." I said, going and sitting down at the desk.

I cracked my knuckles and set to work doing some hardcore internetting; getting us plane tickets and booking a hotel. By then the girls were channel surfing.

_I'll make whovians out of them yet._

The next morning, I woke up on my own that morning, much to my delight. In my own bed as well.

_Well, a bed in a hotel room in Washington D.C., but whatever._

The one part of the waking up I didn't like was that it was only 8AM. Regardless of relative earliness, I made my way into the kitchenette and made myself a cup of coffee. As the Keurig worked, I wondered whether or not to wake the girls up. I decided against it, at least for the time being. So I got my coffee and considered what I should have for brekkie. After a long 30 seconds of consideration, I ordered an omelette from room service and sat down in front of the laptop. A few minutes of tumblr later, a knock from the door heralded my omelette. I had just sat down and was about to tuck in when Rainbow came into the living area in her underwear.

"I checked your room, but you weren't there. Figured your lazy ass would be out here stuffing your face." She said, coming over to me and kissing my cheek. "Looks like you've got me figured out." I replied, smiling. "Yep, anyway, what do you think of the threads?" She asked, backing up and striking a pose not dissimilar to ones I've seen in Victoria's Secret ads. And to be perfectly honest, her outfit wasn't too different, either. She was wearing a matching set of sheer, lacy, form-fitting undergarments that were a shade of blue that reminded me of summer days.

"I love them..." I said earnestly as I felt my pajama pants getting a bit tighter. "Do you? I can't tell." Rainbow said teasingly, moving closer. "Well...I do." I said, getting progressively more discontented with the presence of pants on my legs. Rainbow was only a few feet from me at that point, smiling sultrily with her hands on her hips. "Are you sure? Maybe you'd prefer it if I wasn't wearing them?" She asked rhetorically. "Uh..." I said dumbly, and just nodded.

_Confound these humanized ponies..._

Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash was slowly unclasping her bra and slipping the straps off her shoulders. Scratch that, _painfully_ slowly. After what felt like an uncountable number of eternities, the piece of blue lace fell from her figure, exposing her gorgeous boobs. Nice, round, C-cup breasts with perky little nipples.

"See, I was doing a little thinking..." The sex goddess in front of me said, "and I realized that I've never seen your human form..." After a second of shock, I regained use of my mouth, "What d'you mean? You're looking at it." I said, confused. Rainbow looked at me and smiled wickedly. "All of it." She said.

_Oh._

"Oh. Well, uh, I think I can help with that." I said, trying to match her in teasing and failing spectacularly. "Good. Now, let's get that shirt off." She said. She walked up behind me and pulled my shirt off over my head, pressing her breasts into my back. "You know, the others could walk in at any moment..." I said. "I certainly hope so..." She whispered into my ear, her hot breath sending shivers down my spine. Dash spun the chair around so that I was facing her in all her topless glory. "Now, if you want the rest to come off, you need to do the same." Rainbow said, tugging at her underwear. "I can do that." I said, smiling. I began pulling my pants and boxers off. My shaft was almost fully erect and ready to spring into action.

_Knock knock knock._

"What the fuck?" I said, whipping my head around to face the door. "Forget it, they'll go away." Dash reassured me as she stared hungrily at my almost-revealed cock.

_KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK._

"Mother fucker...alright, this'll probably only take a sec." I said, getting up and adjusting my pants in a way that my pubes weren't exposed. I walked over to the door and opened it a crack. "Can I help you?" I asked. I couldn't see anyone on the other side, I imagined that whoever it was was outside my limited field of view. "Hotel security." A gruff voice came from the hall "We received an anonymous tip that you may have...illicit substances in your possession." The man continued. "What? You mean like drugs? I live above the influence sir." I quipped. "Then you won't mind a quick sweep of your room." He stated simply. "Well...uh..." I glanced back at the almost naked Rainbow Dash behind me, "I don't think that'd be the best idea." "Well I think it's an excellent idea, Brony Blast." The man said. "What? Br-" I was cut off as the door burst open. I was knocked to the ground and landed on my ass. I looked up at the intruder as he lowered his arm. He looked like a secret service agent; tall, muscular, sunglasses, suit.

"Hey!" Rainbow Dash yelled, obviously forgetting her state of undress and charging the man with her fists raised.

_I'm regretting showing her _Return of the Dragon_..._

"Dash, no! Go get the others, we're getting out of here!" I yelled at her.

_Way to think fast, dude._

_Thanks, brain._

"But Brony!" She half-whined, half-yelled as the intruder adopted a fighting stance. "Just do it! This isn't the time!" I ordered. "Fine!" She said as she made a quick jab at the intruder. The man blocked it and attempted a hold, but Rainbow had already dashed out of the room. The man made to run after her but I got to my feet with a little difficulty and blocked his path.

"What do you want?" I asked him. "I'm not in the mood for talk, kid." He said. "Yeah, well I'm not in the mood to get the shit beaten out of me. So this is my plan." I said. "Alright, you know what? I'll humor you. I am Agent Libric. I was ordered to capture you and your friends after our surveillance picked up a spike in magical radiation near the portal." He explained, betraying no hint of emotion. "Ooh. I get it." I say.

_Do you actually get it?_

_Not a bit._

I heard shouting echoing from the hallway, so I took that as my cue to GTFO. I spun around and sprinted through the hotel room, trying to formulate a plan along the way. I was so focused I almost didn't notice Agent Libric hot on my tail as well as me being about to crash into the mane 6, who were clustered halfway down the hall. I just yelled "Come on!" and ran into the closest room, my room. The others piled in after me and Twilight- the last person in- slammed the door behind us. She locked it and pressed her back against it, motioning that she needed help. Dash and AJ replaced her as they braced themselves against the door.

"What in the hay is going on!?" Applejack asked. "I think whatever was looking for us, found us!" I said. "So what do we do now?" Fluttershy asked. She was in the corner and looked like she was on the verge of tears. "Well, I have an idea, but I highly doubt it'll work." I said. "Does it involve breakfast? I'm starved!" Pinkie Pie said.

_You know what? That's not a bad idea..._

"It just might, Pinks." I said as my mind worked. Libric started banging on the door. "Well can we get on with it?" Rarity asked. "Sure. Rarity, Fluttershy, and Pinkie, I need you guys to gather up everything we need. Twi?" I said, looking to her. She seemed deep in thought, but snapped to attention when she heard her name. "Yes?" She said. "You remember the little restaurant downstairs?" I asked her. "Of course, why?" She said. "Do you think you could blink us down there?" I asked her tentatively. More banging from the door. "I think so...but it would require the expenditure of quite a good deal of energy, and that's if I wasn't in human form." She reasoned. "Well, give it a try? I can lend you some of my energy." I suggested. "It could work... How did you do it? Magic, I mean." Twilight asked. "I just did the same thing I'd do with my horn, except I did it with my hand." I explained. The banging is even louder now and it looks like the door-hinges are about to give. "Alright, I can do that. Do you think you could give me your hand for the energy-transfer?" Twi asked, holding her hand out. "Yeah, here." I said, grabbing onto her hand. I focused, I became aware of all the energy circulating through my body, and I directed some of it to flow through my hand and into Twilight. "Guys, hurry up!" Rainbow Dash yelled as I heard the door give. AJ and Dash sprung out of the way as the door crashed to the ground. "Everyone grab hold!" Twilight yelled, Applejack and Rainbow grabbed onto Twilight immediately. Agent Libric lunged at us just as Flutters, Pinkie, and Rarity- laden by whatever they grabbed- took hold of me. Then, everything disappeared.

It was like going through the portal all over again, the feeling of being submerged in cold water and then tumble dried enveloped me for a split second, and then we appeared in the hotel restaurant. "Thank Celestia no one's here." Dash said. "What? Why?" I questioned, spinning around to face her. I got my answer pretty quickly.

_Oh yeah...naked..._

"Quick question, Rarity, do you think you could get us some clothes?" I asked. "Well, I would have to draw up some plans and-" She started. "Just something quick with magic, please." I cut in. "Oh, yes, of course. I'll do my best." She said, and imitated Twilight's motion, but instead of teleporting, we all found ourselves in Hollister clothing.

_Not my first choice, but beggars can't be choosers._

"Thanks, Rare." I said. I looked across the lobby to the elevators and saw that one was on the way down from floor 6. "Alright, running!" I said, dashing out the door. The mane 6 followed without much hesitation. "Now," I said between breaths, "we need to get to the airport. Once we get a few more blocks away, I think we can slow up and head to the subway. That guy said he tracked us through magical radiation, so we should probably keep the spellcasting to a minimum." I said, panting. It had been a while since I'd done this much exercise- in my human form, at least.

After a few more minutes of running, we stopped behind a large high-rise. "Okay...I think...we lost him..." I said inbetween gasps. "Are you okay, Brony?" Fluttershy asked. "Yeah...fine." I answered. "Well, I suppose we should try to find a subway station. Right, Brony?" Twilight said. "Yeah. Let's go." I said as I regained my breath.

A little while later, we boarded the train and sat down. The car was just about empty except for an older lady and a guy that looked like he worked in an office building. "Alright girls, let's take stock of our situation." I said, a little louder than a whisper. "What did we manage to grab?" I asked. "Um, I think this is your bag..." Fluttershy said, holding a bluish backpack up.

_Oh hell yes..._

"I salvaged your money card." Rarity said, pulling it from her pocket and handing it to me.

_Oh _hell_ yes!_

"And I got the little mint from your pillow you forgot to eat!" Pinkie said.

_Pinkie...you're the best._

"Thanks, Pinks." I said, smiling as she handed it to me. I popped it into my mouth. "As for our objective, we at least have a destination." Twilight said. "And it looks like somepo- er- body don't want us foolin with the portals." Applejack added. "True that." I agreed. "So the plan is still the same, what's there to talk about?" Rainbow interjected. "Well, we have significantly fewer supplies, and it appears that we're being hunted. So that's a potential problem." I replied. "Alright, it's not like we need a ton of stuff, and I- well, we- can kick whoever's plot that needs kicking." Dash said. "As _riveting _as that sounds, dear, I don't believe we should concern ourselves with fighting at the moment." Rarity said. "Rarity's right, we shouldn't engage in combat unless absolutely necessary." Twilight said, nodding to Rarity. "Alrigh', but Ah think we should know how tuh fight if push comes to shove." AJ commented. "Sorry to say it ladies, but I'm a lover, not a fighter." I said. "Um, me too. I don't want to hurt anyone if I don't have to." Fluttershy agreed. "Majority rules. If it comes to fight or flight, we fly." I said. "Not without wings." Rainbow said. "You know what I mean." I said, pushing her lightly.

_Agent Libric...this guy's a fucking enigma, alright. He knows my real name. Who the fuck knows my real name besides the ponies I met in Ponyville? And a few unicorns from Canterlot. And the Princesses. And the mane 6. Okay, _some _ponies know my name, but that doesn't explain how _he _knows whole thing is fucking ridiculous. I just wanted to travel the human world and have sex with Rainbow Dash, not battle some shadowy organization._

After a few more minutes of silent thought, the automated voice notified us that we were approaching our stop. "Alright, the plane's scheduled to take off in..." I dug through my bag, searching for my phone. I found it and clicked the screen on, "3 hours." I said. "What? Why are we 3 hours early?" Dash asked. "You've obviously never been to an airport..." I said, sighing. "What do you mean by that?" Fluttershy asked. "Waiting...so much waiting..." I replied.

The next couple hours were some of the worst ones since I jumped through that portal in Philadelphia. Between trying to keep everyone together and the hour-and-a-half long lines, it was exhausting. I was praying for the cramped, foul-smelling plane just so I could take a nap. Fortunately for me, Twilight and Applejack helped in wrangling the others, although that mainly meant keeping Pinkie Pie from exploding into a cloud of confetti and baked goods from waiting in so many lines, and Fluttershy from having a panic attack from being around so many sullen-faced, zombie-looking people.

After 9 and a half eternities, we finally boarded the plane. I'd booked first class; one reason being that we had the money for it, the other being I was terrified of Rarity's reaction if we sat anywhere else. Luckily it was a pretty snazzy plane. There were only a few other people in first class, but the few that were there seemed pretty shocked to see a group of teenagers boarding without an adult.

We got to our nice, cushy, individual seats and strapped in. I slid my backpack into an overhead compartment and crashed into my chair. I was seated with Applejack in front of me, Fluttershy behind, and Rainbow Dash to my left. She and Pinkie had insisted on window seats. Twilight was sitting in front of RD and seemed amazed at everything that was happening. We had briefly discussed what planes were and how they worked in the TSA line and she was absolutely confounded by how a species without magic or wings was still able to fly. I made a mental note to get her a book on aerodynamics. I'd also made an agreement with Fluttershy that she was in charge of keeping Pinkie from spontaneously combusting or whatever happened if she didn't move for more than 6 seconds. She seemed hesitant, but eager at the same time. I craned my neck behind me to see Fluttershy and Pinks conversing while Pinkie pressed every button available to her. I looked back in front of me to see Twilight staring out the window, her eyes wide as dinner saucers and a giant grin on her lips.

Then the intercom dinged on and a woman's voice came through, "A safety demonstration will now be performed."

_Yeah, yeah; exits are there, there, and there. Don't be a dumbass. Thanks for flying with us. Can we fly now?_

The demonstration finished and the woman on the intercom said, "We are now preparing for takeoff. Please fasten your seatbelts, put your tray table up, and your seats back in the full, upright position.

_Already done._

I heard the engines rev and the plane jolted into movement. I looked around at the girls. Everyone seemed pretty calm, even Fluttershy. Of course, I'd told them about how it was all gonna go down while in line. The plane was rolling down the runway now, gathering speed. After a moment, Twilight turned around in her seat and beamed at me. "We're flying." She said ecstatically. I returned her smile and said, "Cool, huh?" She nodded vigorously and turned back to look out the window. A few more minutes passed and the intercom dinged back on, "We have reached cruising altitude. You may now unfasten your seatbelts." I unclasped my belt and looked over at Rainbow Dash. She seemed to be almost as enthralled at the view out the window as Twi.

_Everything is going better than expected._ _We might actually last these 8 hours without going insane._

I had a little smile on my face as I thought about how not completely fucked we were when a flight attendant walked up beside me. "Is there anything you need?" He asked. He was a lanky guy, maybe 5'7", scruffy beard. "Uh, I dunno. Maybe a Coke?" I asked. "Of course, sir." He said. He scribbled what I imagined to be my order on a notepad and moved over to Rainbow. I just closed my eyes and relaxed. A few minutes later, the attendant reappeared wheeling a small cart with a glass of Coca-Cola on it. "Here you are, sir." He said, giving it to me. "Thanks dude." I said, taking a sip and putting it into a cupholder.* He nodded slightly and went over to give Rainbow her drink. I went back to chillaxing, taking the occasional sip from my Coke.

"Hey Brony?" I heard Dash say. "Yeah?" I said, looking over to her. "What are we doing?" She asked. I was a little stunned to hear that coming from her, and honestly, I didn't really know. At least, not completely. I looked down at my legs. "That's a loaded question, Dashie." I said. "I know, but...I'm a pegasus from Cloudsdale, Equestria. And now I'm some two-legged...thing-in a flying box, running around some weird planet helping you close a bunch of magical portals. It's just...crazy." She said. She seemed really perturbed. "I know how you feel. Not to one-up you or anything, but for 14 years I thought I was a human, and now I find out that my favorite T.V. show is real and I'm from that world. I had to forget everything I knew about my life so that I can live in the world I'm from, and then this massive responsibility is pushed onto me that I'm some 'chosen one' who needs to save two worlds from exploding into death and destruction." I said. I looked back up at Rainbow Dash, who was looking at me with what could only be tears in her eyes. "Shit, Dashie, I'm sorry. It's just...been stressful for me. I'm not trying to make you feel like your problems aren't important." I said. "No...it's not that. I didn't really think about how all this would have made you feel." She admitted. "Well, I'm fine for right now. I just want to make sure _you _stay sane for when _I _lose my head." I said jokingly. She laughed quietly and smiled. "Yeah, Celestia knows you need me." She said. I grinned at her.

_You know what? Maybe this whole thing isn't _that_ bad._

**A/N: **Thanks for reading! It really means a lot that you've stuck around for ten chapters of this. (Or maybe you skipped right to this one. In that case, it'll be our little secret.) As thanks, here's a paragraph I wrote just for funsies.

*I slowly and deliberately picked up the glass of Coke, took a long draught, and turned to face you. "Mmm, refreshing Coca-Cola™. It's the drink I chose when I need to refuel after a long day of saving the human and pony worlds, or when I'm just relaxing with Rainbow Dash. Coca-Cola™, open happiness!" I said, fulfilling my contract and guaranteeing the Prince of None the funds to produce the next chapter.*

The Prince of None is in no way affiliated with The Coca-Cola Company or any of its subsidiaries. All trademarks are used under Fair Use for the purposes of whatever the hell I feel like. Pepsi is shit and no one can tell me otherwise.


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